Rebforever, sir:
It goes back to the old "glass half full or half empty?"
The General's wives had their opinions about the war as well. In society circles, I have little doubt that General R. E. Lee (being so many Lees in that position), was ignorant of the ways of women and military affairs. Military bares a small community, especially in the "Old Army." I'm sure with the original 6,000 souls serving under the Old Flag knew each other's business from the past and present, such as during the War. How else would they have matched up so well against each other and have as many successes against each other, much like sparring with a classmate at West Point? But, in the end--it was still on the shoulders of the Generals and their Presidents, to whom directed the Military.
That said. These wives of Generals Longstreet and Grant had a marital connection to which no gentleman, let an officer interfere with. It would be no different than mother and father discussing each other's day and opinions on life, politics, etc., at the table. These were professional soldiers. Their duty would be independent of the influence of women in their lives yet, appreciate and care deeply about how their wives felt. I am certain that the women did more to reassure, comfort and praise their husbands yet--wished the war to be over as soon as possible.
Furthermore, ladies married to high ranking officers frequently were given the concerns of lower ranking officers to whom shared what their men were suffering under. It would have been extra intelligence on the civilian impact on the war effort. Soldiers had to obey yet, their opinions would be expressed in the letters and vice-versa. Since intelligence is all important in winning the war, it was just as important to gain through their wives who attended various charity and fund raising events. These officer's wives, perhaps have been overlooked by most writers of Civil War History. It must be mentioned, that Mrs. General (Mary) R. E. Lee, knitted socks for her husband and troops and many times in a parlor with other ladies. Both sides--the General's wives did their part, supporting their husbands away at war by supporting them at home.
No war has ever been won without the home support.
I must also add, reflecting back on my youth -- perhaps 'ancient history' to some reading this post yet; cannot help but add, that kids growing up in my neighborhood could not get away with much. The mothers would talk with each other over tea, garden clubs, evening parties/entertainment, parent-teacher meetings, over the fence, church, fund raisers and community supported events, e.g. flower shoes, bake sales, etc. Women during the Civil War would no doubt have similar means of transmitting gossip. The telephone just amplified the effect.
So, I'm sure the father/husband got intelligence of what was going on when he came home. As a kid, sitting at the table, I sure learned a lot of stuff on neighborhood kids (intelligence) by parents talking. That was taken to school and passed around as gossip (intelligence) and the flow back and forth continues to this day.
No such thing as a secret unless kept to yourself and shared with no other--to include the President(s) and other generals.
Just my opinions,
M. E. Wolf
Bringing the