Lincoln A Funny Story!

[kholland]

I have often thought that the older the members of the Rolling Stones get, the more they resemble Mr. Lincoln.

I think Keith Richards would have gotten a knife many years ago.

Here's one Lincoln told of the preacher that said, during his sermon, that although the Lord was the only perfect man, the Bible never mentioned a perfect woman. A woman in the rear of the congregation called out "I know a perfect woman, and I've heard of her every day for the last six years." "Who was she?" asked the surprised minister. "My husband's first wife," came the reply

 

[frontrank2]

Lincoln was addressing some visitors, and he said, "Some Union supporters oppose any accommodation or yielding to the South in any manner because the Confederates began the war and should be held responsible. Now this reminds me of a good story I heard once, when I lived in Illinois".

"A farmer had a vicious bull that took after anybody who tried to cross the field. One day a neighbor climbed the fence and was soon running for his life. This man was fast, though, and he got to a tree with the bull close behind. There was no time to climb the tree, so he led the bull in a chase around the tree. He finally was able to grab the bull by the tail. The bull was now at a disadvantage. He couldn't catch the man and he couldn't shake him from his tail. The more they ran the madder the bull got. He pawed up the earth and bellowed until you could hear him miles away. Finally, he broke into a dead run, the man still hanging onto his tail.

"The neighbor, now dragging along behind, shouted at the bull, 'Darn you, who commenced this fuss?'

"That's our situation here," summarized Lincoln. "It's our duty to settle this fuss at the earliest possible moment, no matter who commenced it".

 

[Pvt.Shattuck]

I sometimes imagine what it would be like to be magically transported back to the nineteenth century for a visit (wouldn't want to live there). I think the smells would be awful- outhouses, chamber pots, spittoons, no daily baths or showers, no dry cleaners or washing machines.
Human deformities must have been common and horrible without modern corrective surgery, plastic and otherwise.
Yet female students in my CW presentations often remark on how handsome the soldiers are in photographs. Slim and young, living a life of vigorous physical activity on a (albeit limited) diet of organic and unprocessed natural food must have helped. They certainly were a homogeneous group ethnically. Poor dental care was likely offset by lack of refined sugar that causes tooth decay. Anyway, they didn't smile for the camera so we don't know what their teeth looked like. The weak and vulnerable were soon eliminated by disease, leaving only the healthy to be photographed.
Lincoln was certainly an odd looking fellow but there is an unmistakable kindness in those deep set, intelligent eyes. Did he suffer from some congenital condition that would be diagnosed and recognized today? Did his homeliness endow him with a sensitivity to the suffering of others?

 

[frontrank2]

A man was complaining to the President that a friend of his had been expelled from New Orleans because he was a Union sympathizer. When the man asked to see the writ by which he was expelled, he was summarliy told that the Confederate Government would do nothing illegal, and so they had issued no writs. They were simply hoping to make him go of his own free will. Naturally, that reminded Lincoln of a story, and he remarked that he had known of a hotel keeper in St. Louis who boasted that nobody ever died in his hotel. "Of course," Lincoln said with a twinkle in his eye, "Anytime a guest appeared to be in danger of dying he was carried out to die in the gutter."

 

[frontrank2]

Lincoln always took great pleasure in relating this yarn:
Riding at one time in a stage with an old Kentuckian who was returning from Missouri, Lincoln excited the old gentleman's surprise by refusing to accept either of tobacco or French brandy.

When they separated that afternoon—the Kentuckian to take another stage bound for Louisville—he shook hands warmly with Lincoln, and said, good-humoredly:

"See here, stranger, you're a clever but strange companion. I may never see you again, and I don't want to offend you, but I want to say this: My experience has taught me that a man who has no vices has d——d few virtues. Good-day."