Writing Help

[wbull1]

I like it, but it doesn't have her going for shelter. Being exposed in a mud puddle would have her killed. But I like it. can I steal it?

Feel free. I'm sure you can improve on it.

 

[Good Soldier Shweik]

I just started this on sunday. I have added 2,000 additional words since the last thread on this topic. It doesn't even qualify as first draft yet. But there are dozens of question I would like answered.

Some things I am just going to hand wave. I have been informed that they wouldn't sell a slave who killed her master down the river. I only say if Mark Twain can have a paricide be sold, I will too.

I am assuming that by 1863 slaveowners, especially in the more horrible industries of sugar cane and indigo would have mass desertions, and the military officials would be too busy to catch them

I have read on the indigo vats. Being sold to that would be a death sentence.

so far.... https://mtgreatnovel.net/downriver.php

 

[GS]

Is your work fantasy or fiction...? There's a big difference.

 

[Good Soldier Shweik]

You see the difference as digital, I see it as more analog......

There are no space ships from mars, no witches or warlocks, no dragons, no talking horses. However, people do miraculously move 100 miles in a day when the plot requires it, and people are still going to talk 21st century english as I refuse to talk black, because I can't handle dialog. The difference is as great between Portuguese and Italian. The gulf is so wide. When you read a book in english about life in Vespasians Rome you have to have people speaking the english you know.

 

[wbull1]

The decision not to talk black is a good one. If a slave who killed her master was inherited by a truly greedy owner, she might escape death or severe punishment if the owner wanted top dollar by selling her into virtually certain death. The owner could transport her secretly far away to be sold and lie to neighbors that she had been executed by something like burning alive.

 

[byron ed]

How about " diving behind the cassion she looked for a way to get at marksmen shooting the men working the batteries...finding a gun charged but dropped by a dead soldier she aimed the rifle at the confederate officer and fired, hiting his plumed hat two feet from his head... "

"caisson" is correct spelling (to anticipate a spell check at some point)

 

[byron ed]

The decision not to talk black is a good one

Or not. Quoting inflection is a legitimate way to make this character seem real. Southern inflection at the least, if not a field hand inflection. You need to hear a lifelong Southerner speak these lines back to you before committing to it.

 

[Good Soldier Shweik]

I tried it, In think I failed.

Like this..
"
"Your men are interfering with my slaves again"
The captain looked up at the incandescent planter. "What is it this time"
"Sergeant Haferbrot has taken Zaynab and refuses to let Wilson sleep with her. You realize that is one of the perks the overseers get. "
The captain turned to his orderly. "Bring Sergeant Haferbrot and Zaynab here will you?" He turned to the planter. "Zaynab is too young for that, surely?"
The planter shrugged. "She is fourteen I bet Sergeant Haferbrot plans to sleep with her as well."
The captain shook his head. "Fourteen"
Sergeant Haferbrot came to the captains tent and saluted.. Following him was a slight extremely dark young girl. She was mostly flat.
"At ease, Sergeant. What do I hear of you interfering with this mans property?"
"Last week you this man Wilson was a horse was being cruel to and you him stopped . I unnecessarily cruel to his property could stop."
The captain said, in bavarian German, "Try that again in German. Your english is barbaric"
Sergeant Haferbrot said in far east Prussian german "Last week you stopped this evil disgusting worthless piece of **** from being cruel to the planter's horse. If you can stop him from being cruel to a horse, I can prevent him from being cruel to this girl."

 

[wbull1]

There is a story about an actress who wanted to quit smoking but had the part of a character who was a heavy smoker in a play. After discussion with the director, when the curtain raised she stubbed out a cigarette in an overflowing ashtray. During the rest of the play, she did not smoke at all but ashtrays were emptied on stage and in the next act appeared full again. The idea is to give a sense of language early on and that will carry through for your reader. Try something like "Got in Himmel." and a few awkward phrases early on and you will not need to continue to use broken English. Similar with black dialect "Yes suh" and droppin' a few g's to start.

 

[Good Soldier Shweik]

This is the first time this character will be speaking, and he will be elderly, so his english will be horrible. I used barbaric english, so he will converse in german, which means that I can can write his lines in standard english.

I thought that there were lots of german socialists because of the 1848 revolutions. I thought it would give a flavor if the cosmopolitan character of the army. There were lots of problems with the germans being enthusiastic, but incompetent soldiers. Like with Hunter and Fremont.

I also thought it would be a good idea to show that the Germans brought their problems with them on the boat, hence all the different kinds of german, catholic, jewish, calvinist, lutheran in the unit.

 

[gary]

I am assuming that by 1863 slaveowners, especially in the more horrible industries of sugar cane and indigo would have mass desertions, and the military officials would be too busy to catch them

Slaveowners who had over 20 slaves were exempt from the draft. If they were officers, which they likely were, they could resign their commission and go home. Overseers could also remain home. The South was conscious about keeping a certain number of white males around to ensure that the slaves didn't rise ala Nat Turner. Those whites could concurrently serve in the state guard or militia.

 

[Good Soldier Shweik]

That would be in the confederate areas of the south. That would not apply to the areas near New Orleans, would it?

 

[gary]

New Orleans is a special case. Black slaveowners and middle class there. Two/three regiments of Louisiana Native Guards offered their services to the Confederacy but were turned down. There's a book on them and several from LSU Press on Louisiana in the Civil War.

 

[Good Soldier Shweik]

Do you have any titles?


My basic plot is of a plantation that produces indigo/sugar cane (whichever is tougher on the slaves) near new Orleans that has a couple regiments stationed there from 1862-1863. This plantation would not be subject to the emancipation proclamation, yet would have a large contingent of germans serving in the federal army from 1848 serving there having a real problem defending the owner's property rights.

 

[gary]

Trudeau's Like Men of War and W.'s The Louisiana Native Guards. Both cover the black soldiers raised around New Orleans.