Somehow I got my math wrong. The casualties of Battle of Spotsylvania Court House was 18,399, North Anna was 3,986, and Cold Harbor was 12,738. The total is 35,123. The total union casualties, which is debated among different sources, is about 55,000. So those 3 battles accounted for almost 64 % of the casualties. The battle of the wilderness with 17,666 when added to the 35,123 is 52,789, which is the majority of the overland campaign.
The term butcher in my opinion might only apply to the battle of cold harbor, since that is an instance were nothing could be gained by attacking since the works were too strong. Same can be said of Lee at Pickett's charge when giving out the butcher tag.
When you compare Lee and Grant overall in the war the picture is quite different:
Lee's army had 209,000 casualties, while he inflicted 240,000 casualties
Grant had 154,000 casualties, while he inflicted 191,000 casualties
Source
Bonekemper, Edward H. The Myth of the Lost Cause: Why the South fought the Civil War and Why the North Won. Washington DC: Regnery History, 2015. Print