West Point Cadet Mischief

[gary]

"When in the hospital, a very hot day in the summer of 1846, clad in my shirt sleeves, and white cadet pants, I was on the front porch. I saw a cadet coming down the walk; he stopped under an apple tree loaded with green apples, and took a seat on the grass. I went into the passage leading to my ward, and threw myself into a rocking chair and was soon enjoying a delightful siesta. I was awakened by footsteps in the hall. The hall intruder was the same short plebe I had seen take his seat under the apple tree, and he had both hands pressed on his abdomen. I at once saw a chance for fun. He had mistaken me for the doctor. I started from my chair, assuming the most ferocious look I could put on, and said, 'What is your name?' 'Brown,' he answered. 'Plebe Brown,' I said, 'have you studied the Academic regulations?' He answered, 'Not much.' 'So, I supposed,' I replied; 'if you had done your duty you would have informed yourself that it is a dismissable offense to awaken the chief surgeon of this post when taking his evening nap. What is the matter with you, sir?' 'Oh, doctor, my belly! my belly!' "Let me see your tongue; let me feel your pulse.'

"Starting back, I said, 'Plebe Brown, you have been eating green apples.' This he denied. I said, 'Don't tell a falsehood; every beat of your pulse to the skillful surgeon says, 'Green apples! Green apples! Now, sir, tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; how many green apples did you eat?' After some hesitation he said, 'I suppose about my cap full.' I started back, exclaiming, 'About a cap full! Plebe Brown, the only way I can save your life is to cut your abdomen open and take out those green apples. Come with me to the dispersary. Sit on that chair.'"

In our next installment, you'll find out what devious things the "surgeon" did to Plebe Brown. I'll also divulge the culprit and his place in history.

...to be continued.

 

[Birddog]

I can't wait!

 

[gary]

Our story continues...

"I found a case of surgical instruments, took them out of the case and examined them. Browning was turning very pale. I said to him, 'Plebe Brown, I regret very much I can't cut you open now, as both my assistant surgeon and steward are absent, and I find I will need their assistance to hld you and keep you from wriggling. Brown," I said, "Do you think I could trust you not to wriggle?" Brown siad he was afraid he would wriggle. "Yes," I said, feeling his pulse, "I find you are a wriggler, and though I am disappointed not to cut you open, I will defer the operation for the present, and see the effect of medicine. If the medicine does not relieve you, come here after sick call tomorrow morning and I will ahve my assistant surgeon and steward here and proceed to cut."

"I mixed in a pretty large glass some of every medicine on the shelves which I knew not to be poisonous - castor oil, sweet oil, epsom salts, common table salt, and red pepper I remember were some of the ingredients. I told Mr. Brown that I would excuse him from drill and evening parade, on one condition, that he was not to bother me any more that day, nor was he to come to sick call next morning. I was afraid of his seeing the real doctor and being exposed.

"I made Mr. Brown drink every drop in the glass. I watched him as he went up the walk leading to the encampment. He had not gone a hundred yards when he stopped, laid hold of the fence on the side of the walk, and I though before he got through, he would throw up everything inside of him. When the steward, my friend Stoddard, returned I told him what I had done and he excused Mr. Brown according to my promise. Brown never put in an appearance again."

Note: Frances G. Brown of Ohio never did graduate.

The culprit was West Point Cadet Henry Heth who later became a Confederate major-general commanding a division in A. P. Hill's Corps. His men were the ones who first wandered into Gettysburg and initiated combat that day.

 

[william42]

Heth could've showed a little compassion for the guy and poured some whiskey into the evil concoction. Brown would have at least gotten a little buzz out of the whole ordeal.

Terry

 

[ole]

Prank:

Clever prank. But it makes me glad Heth got his butt kicked at Gettysburg. Ole

 

[FSPowers]

Actualy it was a broken head.

 

[gary]

Heth had a literal headache from the ball that struck him and a figurative a** whupping from the Yankees at Gettsyburg. Still, his memoirs are worth reading if your library can get it for you via inter-library loan.

 

[CivilWarTalk]

What a prankster, this story is a new one for me....

 

[Stone in the wall]

I had not heard this story before, glad it got bumped.

 

[GELongstreet]

Poor Cadet Brown apparently had it not easy. And not just that he was fooled by Heth, who by the way was just some 2-3 years older. Plebes have a rough time but this year it really showed. Brown was, like a dozen of his classmates, in about the worst 7th of the whole academy when it came to demerits ... interestingly he was right next to Heth who had a single demerit more. Brown and ten of his classmates were found deficient - all in maths (one also in demerits)!

 

[Seduzal]

yes. If you eat that many green apples you will get sick. That's for sure and the only cure os to up-chuck!

 

[War Horse]

Our story continues...

"I found a case of surgical instruments, took them out of the case and examined them. Browning was turning very pale. I said to him, 'Plebe Brown, I regret very much I can't cut you open now, as both my assistant surgeon and steward are absent, and I find I will need their assistance to hld you and keep you from wriggling. Brown," I said, "Do you think I could trust you not to wriggle?" Brown siad he was afraid he would wriggle. "Yes," I said, feeling his pulse, "I find you are a wriggler, and though I am disappointed not to cut you open, I will defer the operation for the present, and see the effect of medicine. If the medicine does not relieve you, come here after sick call tomorrow morning and I will ahve my assistant surgeon and steward here and proceed to cut."

"I mixed in a pretty large glass some of every medicine on the shelves which I knew not to be poisonous - castor oil, sweet oil, epsom salts, common table salt, and red pepper I remember were some of the ingredients. I told Mr. Brown that I would excuse him from drill and evening parade, on one condition, that he was not to bother me any more that day, nor was he to come to sick call next morning. I was afraid of his seeing the real doctor and being exposed.

"I made Mr. Brown drink every drop in the glass. I watched him as he went up the walk leading to the encampment. He had not gone a hundred yards when he stopped, laid hold of the fence on the side of the walk, and I though before he got through, he would throw up everything inside of him. When the steward, my friend Stoddard, returned I told him what I had done and he excused Mr. Brown according to my promise. Brown never put in an appearance again."

Note: Frances G. Brown of Ohio never did graduate.

The culprit was West Point Cadet Henry Heth who later became a Confederate major-general commanding a division in A. P. Hill's Corps. His men were the ones who first wandered into Gettysburg and initiated combat that day.

Great story. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Cavalier]

There's an old saying, Irish I believe: "Merry hearted boys make the best of old men.". After working in a nursing home for a few years, seems true to me.

 

[JOHN42768]

Green apple trots shows no mercy and he got none from Heth either