To Emma With Love

DBF

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Find a Grave Emma Hurlburt Rawlins


It began at the Lum house after the surrender of Vicksburg and it would end a little more than 6 years later when John A. Rawlins would succumb to the illness that had taken his 1st wife in 1861. It was at the William Samuel Lum house where General Grant would set-up his headquarters and Lietenant Colonel Rawlins would meet a 22 year old (soon to be 23) Connecticut lady that had been sent south to be a governess. As she was a “northern” girl, she became the go-between to parley favors from the Union officers to get supplies and goods for the Lum family. At one point Lieutenant Colonel Rawlins said (after he saw he being escorted by Union soldiers) - - -

"I do not think it just the thing for a United States soldier wearing the United States uniform to be acting as coachman for a lot of rebel women."

By September 15, 1863 he would disclose to his friend James Harrison Wilson - - -

“the great interest which Miss Hurlbut had excited in him, and on my return to headquarters he confessed that he hoped to make her his wife.”

James Wilson continues his narrative - - -

“she was in every way worthy of him, he {Rawlins} had the best wishes of his family and friends, and especially of both General and Mrs. Grant. It was a pleasure to all to see this strong and rugged man softened and humanized by the smiles of a beautiful and interesting woman. It was a still greater pleasure to see him fairly made happy a few months later, by the union of her lot with his for life.”

They were married on December 23, 1863, and share almost 6 years together before tragedy would befall. More on their story can be found here - - -

https://civilwartalk.com/threads/gen-john-a-rawlins.104572/


John’s Letters to Emma

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Photo Courtesy of National Archives
General John Rawlins was in the right place at the right time during the Civil War as he served as General Grant’s closest friend and confident. He was a dedicated letter writer, and as seen in his 1st letter after the ’64 campaign began, In his 1st letter to Emma, he expresses such hope and optimism - - -

Old Wilderness Tavern, VA May 7, 1864 -

“We crossed the Rapidan on the 4th instant with the entire of the Potomac, without opposition, were met by the enemy at this place on the forenoon of the 5th and after a very sanguinary battle which closed only with the night of the 6th, found ourselves this morning masters of the field, the enemy having withdrawn.”

Towards the end of May he is stilled “filled with confidence in the superiority of their numbers”, as shown by this letter to Emma dated May 25th - - -

“I have every confidence, if the Government will keep up this army to its present numbers, all will go well and that before many months, perhaps weeks, Lee’s army will be defeated, and the last hopes of the Confederacy extinguished in the bloody storm that called it into existence.”

On May 31st he tells his wife this rather sad tale - - -

"I enclose you a rose bud from the yard of a beautiful residence just in rear of one of our batteries occupied by the 4th U.S. Artillery, and in front of a battery of the enemy, and from which residence, strange to say, the women folks - a mother, four grown-up daughters and several small children - refuse to go, but sought shelter in the cellar during the cannonading yesterday. The house was struck by canon shot and shell at least twenty times, and is marked much by bullets from the enemy’s sharpshooters. These women and children were requested by officers to leave, but they would not, and thought it very hard that the Yankees would put a battery where they did, thereby drawing the fire of the enemy upon them. I mention this to show you that war has not softened in any way its features since you looked it in the face at Vicksburg.”

Like a good husband, he does personal favors for his wife - - -

City Point, VA - July 18, 1864

“Enclosed I send you photograph with autograph of Major General Winfield S. Hancock, one of the best and most gallant of soldiers. Put it along side of the lamented Sedgwick in you album of heroes.”

His letters continue, during the winter of 1863/64, Rawlins developed a persistent cough. It was the onset of tuberculosis. This was a disease he was familiar with as his 1st wife, Emily died in August of 1861 from consumption/tuberculosis. As this is an infectious disease, it would not only kill him in a few years, unfortunately, his wife Emma would die from it in 1874. His letters to his wife begins mentioning his coughing during the summer of 1864.

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Find a Grave Emma Hurlburt Rawlins

City Point, VA - June 17, 1864

"My health is still improving, and you may be assured no one seems less likely to be a subject of consumption than I. The doctors have all assured me that my lungs are not affected, and if you saw me now you would concur in their opinion.”

City Point, VA - July 22, 1864

“My cough is still annoying me, but I have a fresh gallon of very old Bourbon and a bottle of cod liver oil, but how I wish the necessity for its use no longer existed”.

This from a teetotaler as he had witnessed his father slip into alcoholism. His letter are filled with facts of each battle, camp life, the people (mostly from Washington) who cam visiting and always his health - - -

City Point, October 16, 1864

“Mr. Antrobus, the artist whom you met at Chicago and who painted the General’s portrait, is also with us. He is glad that he did not then get a sitting of me for the reason that I now look so much fleshier than then. I was weighed today and find that I am ten pounds heavier than my usual weight which is 155 pounds. I now weigh 165 and am daily getting heavier. My cough is also better.”

2 Day later he would write - - -

“Never since I used to work on the farm have I had such an appetite as now. My digestion is good and I have no doubt of my recovery.”

His health continues to be a concern as he writes - - -

City Point, November 22, 1864

“We must be patient, and content our minds to the performance of the duties demanded by the times in which we live. The privation consequent upon our being so much separated, an at times of sickness, too, when we could be of so much comfort to each other were we together, as will bear and submit to without complaint, knowing that in doing so we are but fulfilling the requirements made upon hundreds of thousands of our countrymen and countrywomen, and feeling too in so doing we are but filling the measure of service we owe our country.”

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Public Domain

At some point in 1864 she would give birth to a daughter, Mary. Emma made a good friend in Julia Grant, and at times she was able to visit her husband at City Point, but there were times she was unable to visit as seen here - - -

City Point, December 11, 1863

“Mrs. Grant arrived yesterday morning. She had your letter, also your despatch, and is considerable disappointed that you did not come she says she thinks you must be a very considerate and obedient wife to ask your husband if you should come to see him, that she intended having your visit here as a surprise to me and the next time she sees you she intends to give you some instructions as to how manage me.”

His letters were faithfully sent and one of his last that was dated a few days before the surrender still speaks of his health, but also includes his "excitement of victory" - - -

Sutherland Station, April 4, 1865

“The evacuation of Richmond and the apparently great demoralization of Lee’s army have decided the General to follow it up to its final destruction, if possible to do so; hence it is not probably that I shall reach City Point for some time. So please, after visiting Petersburg and Richmond, make your preparations to return to Danbury. . . If we are brought to a halt by the enemy, or for the want of supplies, I may get to see you before you start home, which I desire so much to do. My health is much better than when lying still at City Point. The excitement of victory and of army life agrees with me . . . Don’t’ fail to write me often.”


His Death
John Aaron Rawlins died on September 6, 1869 in Washington, DC. He was 38 years old and left his wife Emma, and his 3 children from his 1st wife James, Jane (Jennie) and Emily. The children of of John and Emma, never lived more than a few years. Daughter Mary lived the longest, dying in 1869. Son Willie, born and died in 1867 and youngest daughter Violet was born August 17, 1869 and lived 17 days dying 3 days before her father.

At the time of his death he was serving as the 29th Secretary of War under his war time friend, General Grant, now President. For Emma it was an amazing time in her life. She had a “front row seat” to one of the greatest periods of American history, but the adversity she faced seems too much for one to bear. After her husband’s death, Emma eventually re-married a musician in 1872, and at that point, President Grant, as co-guardian of the Rawlins children, thought it best to send the children to be raised by their maternal grandparents. She traveled to Wyoming in hopes of a cure to her consumption, but died there in 1874. She was 34 years old. She was taken home to Danbury Connecticut and is buried in the Hurlburt family plot where her 3 children rest. John A. Rawlins is buried at Arlington Cemetery.


General Ely Parker gave the funeral oration in memory of John A. Rawlins

“The nation knew not the value of the rough diamond it possessed until it had passed beyond its reach. He had ever wished to die doing his duty, and his wish was gratified; and if his spirit still takes cognizance of the concerns of this earth and his country’s welfare, it is with a clearer view of the wise purposes of God in the conduct of human affairs, and that whatever is done is for the best.

Friend to truth! of soul sincere,
In action faithful, and in honor clear.”





Sources
1. “The Life of John A. Rawlins” by James Harrison Wilson
2. http://www.battleofchampionhill.org/history/lum.htm
3.
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/14283969/mary-emeline-rawlins
 
@DBF I love your wonderful posts and the stories you are able to weave around these people's lives. Of necessity they are brief, but always fascinating and informative.

I've often wanted to know more about Grant's right hand man and, as he is not often written about in relation to Grant except in a more perfunctory manner (at least that I've seen so far), I'm glad to finally have some more details. I had no idea his life was so tragic and short, which goes for his wife/s as well. And the children. So very, very sad. I thought there was a falling out with the Grant's in relation to Rawlins, but that is not apparent here with Grant as co-gaurdian of Rawlins children (I'm assuming to his first wife?)

Great stuff again. Thank you so much for shedding some more light on his story.
 
John Rawlings musings on General Grant before the war - - -

“None can feel a greater interest in General Grant than I do; I regard his interest as my interest, all that concerns his reputation concerns me; I love hime as a father; I respect him because I have studied him well, and the more I know him the more I respect and love him.”

The way I understand the falling out - it seems that when General Sherman was made General of the Army after Grant became president, General John Schofield was Secretary of War (interim) before John Rawlins came in. General Sherman took his power and ran with it and assumed he would have the close relationship he had when he worked side-by-side with General Grant during the war. John Rawlins came in and started stripping away some of Sherman’s power and add in the fact that he was extremely ill at the time, he would only serve close to 6 months as the Secretary of War, and he did have some disagreements with the President while in the position.

On May 8, 1866 General Grant wrote a special letter in his behalf (earlier he had received the commission of Major General by brevet, but through an oversight his name had been left off the first list of nominations) - - -

“General Rawlins has served with me through the entire war from the Battle of Belmont to the surrender of Lee No staff officer ever before had it in his power to render as much service, and no one ever performed his duties more faithfully or efficiently. He is eminently entitled to the brevet rank of major general, and I earnestly but respectfully request that his name be yet sent in for consideration.”

I believe John Rawlins (along with his wife Julia Grant) were the 2 strongest, positive and stabilizing influences in General Grant’s life during the civil war years.

I have more quotes from letters that I plan to add - but there were so many, I tried to group them into some sort of order.
 
I believe John Rawlins (along with his wife Julia Grant) were the 2 strongest, positive and stabilizing influences in General Grant’s life during the civil war years.
John Rawlings musings on General Grant before the war - - -

“None can feel a greater interest in General Grant than I do; I regard his interest as my interest, all that concerns his reputation concerns me; I love hime as a father; I respect him because I have studied him well, and the more I know him the more I respect and love him.”
There did seem to be a mutual affection/appreciation and from what I've heard/read Rawlins was a great confidante to General Grant during those years. I would like to understand better the disagreement that occurred between them and if memory serves me correctly it had something to do with Grant's drinking and how that was perceived. Julia took expection to that, I think, and I don't believe Rawlins was mentioned in either Grant's memoirs or Julia's. I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but this is what I recall without looking up sources.
 
The Rawlins Family longevity was a very short one. Shame they all died so young
I wonder what happened to the older children which Ulysses was co-guardian to. He seems to have cared for a number of families children after the war, helping to provide for them financially and with opportunities for education, etc. This is something many people don't know about him and this post provides further evidence of that.
 
There was the “famous” Dear General letter of June 6, 1863 (written at 1 am) in which John Rawlins addresses his drinking (the Yazoo River Incident). I’ll give part of it here, but this was never sent and only published after the death of Rawlins and Grant and we must remember that Rawlins stayed with Grant until his death in 1869.

“The great solicitude I feel for the safety of this army leads me to mention, what I had hoped never again to do, the subject of your drinking. This may surprise you, for I may be and trust I am, doing you an injustice by unfounded suspicion but if in error, it had better be on the side of the country’s safety than in fear of offending a friend.”

“You have the full control over your appetite, and can let drinking alone. Had you not pledged me the sincerity of your honor early last March, that you would drink no more during the war, and kept that pledge during your recent campaign, you would not today have stood first in the world’s history as a successful adherence to the pledge You cannot succeed in any other way.”

“If my suspicions are unfounded, let my friendship for you and my zeal for my country be my excuse for this letter; and if they are correctly founded, and you determine not to heed the admonitions and prayers of this hasty note, by immediately ceasing to touch a single drop of any kind of liquor, no matter by whom asked or under what circumstances, let my immediate relief from duty in this department be the results.”

Yours Respectfully,
I am General John A Rawlins”


Life of John A. Rawlins, by James H. Wilson (pages 128-129)

There is 1 letter he wrote to his wife where he fears that the general had gone back on his promise - I will look that up and include it in my next post. CC - somewhere in my notes are the 3 oldest of his children, I will check but it seems that lived longer lives than their parents - but I will confirm.
 
I researched the relationship between Grant and Rawlins after the war, specifically concerning the pre White House and brief White House years. There is no doubt that Rawlins health was deteriorating, and Grant as president, was (in Wilson’s words) - - -

“General Grant the President Elect, it will be remembered, was peculiarly reticent about his cabinet and other important appointments, and kept the entire country in a state of suspense almost to the very day he took the oath of office. This doubtless added to Rawlins’s anxiety. He had done his full part in making Grant’s military career a success . . . . He was too proud to ask what was to be done him, or to even intimate that he would like to have a cabinet position, but his letters to his wife show clearly that he considered himself an important part of what Grant stood for, and did not want to be left out of consideration in the organization of the new Administration.”

Wilson claims that shortly before his inauguration, he asked Grant what he planned to do with Rawlins, and Grant thought to assign him to the Department of Arizona, believing that the “high and dry” climate would be best for his health. When Wilson, with Grant’s permission, told Rawlins about this discussion, Wilson describes his response - - -

”He said without reserve that he not only wanted but thought himself fairly entitled to the appointment of Secretary of War.“

Unfortunately, although Wilson informed Rawlins of this, Grant failed to do so. He never notified Rawlins “officially” . Rawlins became discouraged and return to Danbury “with the declaration” that he did not intend to return to Washington. Rawlins writes to General Dodge, and he visits with Grant and is told the same thing as Wilson. Eventually he will become the Secretary of War.

When he moved to Washington to take his new position, General Dodge, along with a few friends, were aware that Rawlins was a poor man, they paid off the mortgage on the house he had bought sometime ago. General Dodge wrote Rawlins - - -

“I trust you will receive it {the mortgage} in the same kindly spirit it was given.”

According to John Rawlins’s letter to his wife a few days later, he informs her that he is the youngest member of Grant’s cabinet. How sad he would serve for such a short time.
 
She lost her husband and two children in one year? Lost her husband and a child withing three days? You look at these photos differently knowing the story behind them. There was a thread a couple years ago where ' how they felt ' was debated. because the death rate from disease was so high, it was conjectured parents somehow didn't feel as much? Still calling horse doodle on that. Surviving these tremendous, crushing losses seems a testimony to character, not lack of sheer emotion.
 
She lost her husband and two children in one year? Lost her husband and a child withing three days? You look at these photos differently knowing the story behind them. There was a thread a couple years ago where ' how they felt ' was debated. because the death rate from disease was so high, it was conjectured parents somehow didn't feel as much? Still calling horse doodle on that. Surviving these tremendous, crushing losses seems a testimony to character, not lack of sheer emotion.
Love your post JPK. Well said. Horse doodle indeed.
 
There are some similarities -

Both served General Ulysses Grant and President Ulysses Grant - Porter was his personal secretary.

I believe Grant enjoyed both men - if I remember correctly Grant 1st saw Porter when Grant relieved Rosecrans and place George Thomas and then headed to Chattanooga to lead in the relief of the siege.

This is how James Wilson described Rawlins’s impressions of Horace Porter - - -

March 23, 1864 -

“Horace Porter, captain of ordnance was selected as aid-de-camp.
{He} had never served on Grant’s staff but largely on my introduction and recommendation, he was chosen. {He} was a honor graduate of West Point, of excellent character, and first-class ability - unacquainted with Grant or his methods, and without special sympathy for officers from civil life.”


There is one glaring difference between Horace Porter and John Rawlings - Porter was blessed with the gift of years, dying at age 84.

Surviving these tremendous, crushing losses seems a testimony to character, not lack of sheer emotion.

Could not agree more - I can't imagine the pain Emma felt during those 6 years she was married. I wonder how she felt about losing her step-children, or did she suspect that she too would fall to the disease that took her husband. And the bottom line is a death, any death, is a always a painful separation.
 
John Rawlins was a diligent letter-writer to Emma and I'm grateful his letters have survived. Some interesting observations of fellow soldiers - - -

After the Battle of Cold Harbor June 7th, he wrote of General George Meade - - -

“His modesty and merit will be discovered and made to illuminate the pages of history by searchers after truth and the admirers of worth in the final writing of this rebellion. {and he admonishes Emma} “In your conversations about officers connected with this Army, please give considerable prominence to Meade, for one is more deserving than he. This I particularly desire.”

Upon hearing of the death of General J.B. McPherson. - - -

“McPherson, my friend, with whom I have shared the same blanket, messed at the same board, endured the fatigue of the march, the exposures of the storm and faced the danger of battle. Brave patriotic and fitted, his country will weep for loss as irreparable, and every friend of freedom will find for him a tear. My mind would be to say more of him, but I have not the command of language to do justice to his worth and fame.”

It appears he had a fondness for General Dodge, as he write Emma on October 12, 1864

“General Dodge of the Western Army is here. It does one’s heart good to meet one form the army that had made such a bright record for its country’s honor and its own fame. I can shake the hands of these veterans and heroes with something of the thrill of joy and pride that pervades my being when I take hold of the hand of my own dear wife after months of absence.”

And finally, his thoughts and praise when he observed the fighting of the colored troops in a letter dated June 16, 1864 - - -

"The colored troops, about 3,000, in the attack last night carried the strongest part of the entrenchments using in the assault about 500 killed or wounded They did nobly, and are entitled to be regarded as among the best of soldiers You know I have ever had some misgivings of their efficiency, but seeing what they have accomplished, I doubt no longer."
 
Could not agree more - I can't imagine the pain Emma felt during those 6 years she was married. I wonder how she felt about losing her step-children, or did she suspect that she too would fall to the disease that took her husband. And the bottom line is a death, any death, is a always a painful separation.


Right? Have a feeling it makes us feel better sometimes, to imagine the pain wasn't as searing because these losses are so unimaginable. It also separates us from our ancestors further, conjecturing they were somehow so inured to death they didn't mind losing a loved one. The other thing is society- social norms at the time- frowned on an ' excess of display ' of emotion. They kept themselves awfully locked down because of it although how it could be a faux pas to be flattened over a child's death I can't imagine.

On the other hand that aspect of life 150 years ago wasn't alllll bad. Seems to be a lot of screaming and yelling around in 2019. Could do with a little less noise. ( and sorry, didn't mean to side track your thread. )
 
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