Friday Funny - four more war anecdotes

SWMODave

Sergeant Major
Thread Medic
Joined
Jul 23, 2017
Location
Southwest Missouri
#1
One evening after our work for the day was done, our jovial little comrade, Elisha Burrows, was seen walking down toward the officers' quarter. His face, always the picture of mirth and fun, was now covered with sadness. He had just come from his tent.

Corporal Lewis was one of his tent mates. Lewis, one of our best soldiers, was a general favorite, and especially so with Lieutenant Burnham, one of the warmest hearted and most sympathetic men in the army.

As Burrows came near Lieutenant Burnham his face grew more sad and in mournful tones he asked: "Lieutenant, did you hear about Corporal Lewis?"

In his quick, impulsive way the Lieutenant answered: "No, what is the matter with him?"

With a voice trembling with emotion Burrows slowly replied: "He is now in his tent dyeing."

With tears of heart-felt sorrow and sympathy coursing down his cheeks, Burnham rushed to the soldier's tent, exclaiming: "Poor Lewis!" "Poor Lewis!" and found him—sitting before a glass dyeing his new-grown mustache.

#2
It is not so much at the quantity of rations we grumble, as at the intolerable sameness of bread and meat. Such a limited variety gives us, by the rule of permutation, only two changes; if coffee were added to the menu, we could have nine, and if sugar also, no less than twenty-four. As Bill Calhoun says, " This thing of having bread for the first course one day, and meat the next, and so on, vice versa and alternately ad infinitum et nauseam, has an excessively depressing effect upon a fellow's patriotism."

Writing of Bill reminds me of his generosity at Suffolk, where, in order to accomplish any good, our men would have had to be amphibious. One day while the brigade was there, General Hood halted for a moment at the Fourth's camp to speak about some matter to Colonel Key. While talking, the General noticed Bill standing a little way off, and, knowing his character, with a view to sport, said in a voice loud enough to be heard by the whole regiment, "Detail an officer and twenty-five of your best men, Colonel, and order them to report to me at once at my quarters. I have set my heart on one of those gunboats down on the river, and I know that many men of the Fourth can easily get it for me."

Bill heard and accepted the challenge. Stepping to the side of Hood's horse and laying one hand on the animal's neck, while with the other he touched the brim of his hat in respectful salute to the rider, he said : " Now look ah-here, General, if you've just got to have a gunboat, whether or no, speak out like a man and the Fourth Texas will buy you one, but we don't propose to fool with any of them down yonder in the river. They say the darned things are loaded, and, besides, there's only a few of us fellers can swim."

#3
Trotwood’s Monthly Vol 1

"I remember a laughable incident on Hood's retreat at a small creek between Nashville and Columbia," said another old soldier present. It was early morning, cold and sleety. We had waded the creek, but had to go back to help pull the artillery over.

As we came out of the mud and water, a long line of us tugging at a gun, a lank, solemn soldier walked up on the bank, drew himself up with great dignity, and in a sepulchral voice said: "Fellow citizens!" Instantly every man stopped and listened for some important announcement.

"Fellow citizens," went on the man, in a deep, earnest tone, "aftah much reflection an' mature deliberation, I have decided that South Carolina was a little
too hasty.' He was so solemn and earnest that he was greeted with a big laugh and shout.

#4
"Life of General Albert Sidney Johnston"

During his sojourn as bachelor at Jefferson Barracks, being fond of music, he tried to learn to play the flute. A wide difference of opinion existed between himself and his friends as to his musical aptitude. He persevered in spite of their jests until these and the resulting doubts in his mind rendered him somewhat irritable on the score of his skill.

One day, as he was practising in his room, he heard a tapping on the floor above, occupied by a fellow officer. Instantly referring this to his music, and regarding it as an indecorum, he nevertheless continued the air; but when it occurred again he stopped and the tapping stopped. Waiting a moment to restrain his rising anger, he resumed the tune and the tapping began again.

This was too much for the outraged patience of the angry musician, who, dashing down his flute, sprang up the stairs, determined to exact satisfaction. To a thundering knock at the door a friendly voice replied, inviting him to come in, and when he strode in he found his neighbor, with a look of mild inquiry at his evident excitement, unsuspiciously cracking walnuts on his hearth. With a brief apology for his intrusion, he rushed downstairs again, mortified by his own hastiness and loss of temper.

He at once gave up the flute; for, as he said, "I did not think that a man so sensitive about his skill was fit for a flute-player."
 
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