A lot of anecdotes pop up in diaries and letters of officers extending courtesies to "ladies" during the War. It was part of the code of gentlemanly conduct that well educated men followed. It's important to note though that this code only extended to those whom the men identified as "ladies" - women of the upper class whose dress and manners and speech, among other signifiers, proclaimed them to be "gently bred." Similar courtesies were not extended to all women. Less educated or less notably cultured women often got harsher treatment. That included enslaved or formerly enslaved women.