Victorian Etiquette or How to Behave in the 19th Century

The following poem comes from a small book entitled, “The School of Good Manners.” It was written in 1822 by Nancy Sproat. I think it's a cute way to outline the basic manners of being “in company.”

In Company

Intrude not where you’re not desired,
Nor stay till every one is tired.
Writhe not your limbs in every shape
Of awkward gesture, like an ape,

Nor twirl your hands, nor hit your toes –
Nor hum a tune – nor pick your nose –
Nor keep in motion as you sit,
Nor on the floor or carpet spit,
But in the first with prudent care.
Nor lean upon another’s chair.

If you must cough, or sneeze, be still
In doing it, if possible.
If you must yawn, just turn aside,
And with your hand the motion hide.
And when you blow your nose, be brief,
And neatly use your handkerchief.

All whispering, giggling, squinting shun,
Don’t turn your back on any one.
Nor bite your nails, nor lolling stand,
Nor in your pockets keep your hand.

Do not allow yourself to look
In letters, papers, or a book,
Till you have leave. If one is reading,
Don’t overlook him; ’tis ill breeding.

Don’t wear a frown upon your face;
Let cheerfulness your aspect grace.
To your superiors always strive,

In walking, your right hand to give.
A proper distance keep in mind,
Crowd not too near, nor lag behind.
To equals let your conduct be
Marked with sweet affability.

victorian-table-manners.jpg
 
Source

"When gentlemen converse with ladies, they should avoid topics such as politics, science or commerce, and instead choose topics that ladies are likely to be interested in."

But what if I'm interested in politics, science, and commerce?

*snort laugh* Just kidding. Talk to me about chocolate.

"No gentleman should attend a ball unless he can dance. When dancing with a lady he should be careful not to injure her dress, for delicate skirts are easily torn. A gentleman should escort his last partner to supper, wait on her there, and afterwards escort her back to the ballroom."

Fair enough. I was going to write something sassy about this, but I can't. I simply can't make fun of anyone not being able to keep all these dances straight. Here's one:

Quadrille

If you step on my dress at some point during this hoopla, I will not blame you one bit. And if you want to skip the whole thing ~ because honestly, I can't keep track of who goes where in this whole dance ~ and sneak out into the garden, I'll race you!
 
victorian-lady-with-shawl.jpg


Advice to Women in the 1890s

  • Don’t adopt the latest mode.
  • Don’t trail your dress upon the road.
  • Don’t ever lace your waist too tightly.
  • Don’t wear a glove or boot unsightly.
  • Don’t wear a thing that needs repair.
  • Don’t, please, forget to brush your hair.
  • Don’t ever wear too large a check.
  • Don’t show too much of snowy neck.
  • Don’t paint the lilies and roses on your face, fair maiden.
  • Don’t have windows in your gloves and stockings where they were never intended to be.
  • Don’t think the love your tiny waist wins will wash; because it won’t.
  • Don’t think because your neighbor’s bonnet is becoming to her, it will necessarily be becoming to yourself.
  • Don’t go in for quantity so much as quality in dress. One well-made gown is worth half a dozen ill-fitting ones.
  • Don’t neglect the accessories of dress; untidy gloves, unshapely shoes, will destroy the effect of the most charming toilette.
  • Don’t, above all things, forget you are a woman; she is far more attractive when seen in the flowing draperies that centuries of use have made their own, than when masquerading as a man.
  • Don’t buy hats at the expense of boots.
  • Don’t buy in haste and repent at leisure.
  • Don’t ignore the conventional, and torture your friends with “a style of my own.”
  • Don’t wear dead rats round your throat, though it be the fashion.
  • Don't neglect the neat tying of a veil.
  • Don’t put your gloves on in the street.

Source: Meredith Sweetpea: Old Fashioned Tea & Etiquette
 
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Fair enough. I was going to write something sassy about this, but I can't. I simply can't make fun of anyone not being able to keep all these dances straight. Here's one:

Quadrille

If you step on my dress at some point during this hoopla, I will not blame you one bit. And if you want to skip the whole thing ~ because honestly, I can't keep track of who goes where in this whole dance ~ and sneak out into the garden, I'll race you!

OMG! I still haven't mastered the macarena! :giggle:

This is so cool! I can totally see us getting this started!

 
Now I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread, especially since you gals have gotten on a roll!!! I have had some wonderful laughs!!! @LoriAnn and @Eleanor Rose, you guys always crack me up!!! Thanks!!

My wife is a bit of an expert on this stuff. Heck, she even teaches it to corporate executives.

The one thing I used to always forget when I had to hobnob was when I arrived at a large round table already set, I’d forget which drink glass and bread plate was mine.

My wife finally taught me this. (I tried to paste a picture here but couldn’t, so bear with me).

If you hold your hands out in front of you and make the “okay” sign with each, your left “okay” sign will resemble the letter “B,” and the right “okay” sign will resemble the letter “d.”

So, the “b” on the left represents the bread plate and the “d” on the right represents the drink glass: your bread plate is always on the left and your drink glass on the right.

Yep, I have to do it all the time .... when people are looking, I use my imagination!!
 
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