- Joined
- Nov 26, 2016
- Location
- central NC
“Americans responded to death as a constant companion, and even embraced it with resignation and ritual. Americans...were intimately acquainted with death. Victorians embraced mourning as a sub-culture. It impacted how people dressed, how they behaved in society, and even how they decorated their homes. Women were responsible for mourning in the family, and carried the responsibility of preparing mourning garments and making sure everyone was dressed properly.”
-Karen Rae Mehaffey
In preparation for the visitation and funeral services, the home of the deceased would have an outward appearance to show the community that there was a death in the family. Draping the front door and/or door knob in a black crepe with ribbons (or in white if it was the death of a child) was the most common practice. Some placed mourning wreaths on the door.
Passion for the Past
Inside the home anything reflective or shiny would be covered. This included mirrors and glass of any kind, including picture frame glass. Crepe was often draped over fireplace mantels, windows, shelves, and other household items, especially in the bedroom of the deceased. Clocks would be stopped at the time of death and would not be restarted until the burial was over. Window curtains and shades were drawn and shutters closed.
"The home was to remain quiet and calm, there was to be no confusion or loud talking while the body remained in the house. The departed loved one would be placed on viewing in the family parlor of the home."
- Bernadette Loeffel-Atkins
People were “invited” to the funeral via death announcements, actual funeral invitations or personal letters from the mourners. The stationary used would be white with a black border. These announcements or invitations were hand delivered to the family and friends of the deceased.
Women mourned in three stages: deep mourning, second mourning, and half mourning.
Mourning a spouse generally would last one to 2 ½ years
For a parent: 6 months to a year
For children over 10 years old: 6 months to a year
For children under 10 years: 3 to 6 months
Infants: 6 weeks and up
For siblings: 6 to 8 months
For aunts and uncles: 3 to 6 months
For cousins: 6 weeks to 3 months
For aunts or uncles related by marriage: 6 weeks to 3 months
Grandparents: 6 months
For more distant relatives and friends: 3 weeks and up
Sources:
“Rachel Weeping II: Mourning in 19th Century America" by Karen Rae Mehaffey
"The After-Life" by Karen Rae Mehaffey
"Widow's Weeds" by Bernadette Loeffel-Atkins
Passion for the Past blog