I wish that I was writing this letter under happier circumstances, but then often time does not co-operate when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm glad to see that so many of you remember Bill Torrens with fondness, but then again, Bill was simply unforgettable.
Sometimes in life we are fortunate enough to meet people who alter our course or forever change us, even in the smallest of ways. Such a man was my friend Bill, and I'm a better person for having known him as I did.
Some of you might remember that I moved to England for a year, and during that time I met up with Bill and his wife, Barbara, on three separate occasions. These times were one of the highlights of my stay in England, and what started off as an 'internet relationship' which was originally forged through our mutal support of the Southern cause on CWT; quickly became a deep and lasting friendship. I'm lucky enough to consider Barbara a dear friend as well, and she is an amazing, wonderful woman.
On occasion Thea, Tommy, and I would try to tell our Fabulous Brit just how much he had come to mean to us. But Bill was never really comfortable with compliments or flattery, and he remains the most humble person I've known to date.
Bill has taught me many things, and one of them is how to say goodbye with dignity, humour and courage. During the last few years, when Bill had to endure horrific surgeries, rounds of chemotherapy. and private treatment towards the end, not once did my friend complain. Bill continued to post on the forums, no matter how ill he was feeling, and he did so in typical Torrens style - with patience, intelligence, and wit.
I met with Bill and Barbara in October and I knew then that this would probably be the last afternoon I spent with my friend. I was alarmed at the weight Bill had lost and it was apparent that each day was a struggle. But still Bill was optimistic and looked at his illness in a unique, philosophical way.
Neil, I'm sure you know how much you meant to Bill, and he often brought your name up in our conversations. He had the highest regard for you and Bill had always hoped to meet you one day. He loved to debate with you
and considered you a dear friend.
I'm not certain why the brightest lights seem to diminish long before their time, but I do know that Bill will always shine in my heart, and I will never forget his generous spirit, and love for the American Civil War.
Below is a sonnet that is a favourite work of Shakespeare, and it always comes to mind when I lose someone that I love.
To Bill.
Sonnet 29
When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,--and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings'.