Thad Stevens had a Way with Words

John Hartwell

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Viewers of the film Lincoln will recall the colorful and effective way in which Thaddeus Stevens responded to his opponents on the floor of Congress. Hollywood screen-writers had little to do with that part of the script. Thad's words were all his own. I've been looking through the first volume of Selected Papers of Thaddeus Stevens, and quickly came across these examples of The Great Commoner's eloquence:

"John Brown deserves to be hung for being a hopeless fool! He attempted to capture Virginia with seventeen men when he ought to know that it would require at least twenty-five."

"There is a wrong impression about one of the candidates. There is no such person running as James Buchannan. He is dead of lock-jaw. Nothing remains but a platform and a bloated mass of political putridity."

"It has been suggested that the President [Buchannan] intentionally left those forts in a defenseless condition, that South Carolina might seize them before his successor had time to take means for their safety. I cannot believe it; I will not believe it, for it would make Mr. Buchannan a more odious traitor than Benedict Arnold. Every drop of blood that shall be shed in the conflict would sit heavy on his soul forever.

"Gentlemen on this floor (the House) and in the Senate, had repeatedly, during this discussion, asserted that slavery was a moral, political, and personal blessing; that the slave was free from care, contented, happy, fat, and sleek. Comparisons have been instituted between slaves and laboring freemen, much to the advantage of the condition of slavery. Instances are cited where the slave, having tried freedom, had voluntarily returned to resume his yoke. Well, if this be so, let us give all a chance to enjoy this blessing. Let the slaves, who choose, go free; and the free, who choose, become slaves. If these gentlemen believe there is a word of truth in what they preach, the slaveholder need be under no apprehension that he will ever lack bondsmen. Their slaves would remain, and many freemen would seek admission into this happy condition. Let them be active in propagating their principles. We will not complain if they establish Societies in the South for that purpose -- abolition societies to abolish freedom. Nor will we rob the mails to search for incendiary publications in favor of slavery, even if they contain seductive pictures, and cuts of those implements of happiness -- handcuffs, iron yokes and cat-o'-nine tails."

"You must be a b*stard for I knew your mother's husband and he was a gentleman and honest man."

"It is my purpose nowhere in these remarks to make personal reproaches; I entertain no ill-will toward any human being, nor any brute, that I know of, not even that skunk across the aisle to whom I refer."

When someone pointed out to him that like Stevens himself, Andrew Johnson was a self-made man, Stevens remarked: "I never thought of it that way, but it does relieve God Almighty of a heavy responsibility."
 
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