Lincoln Limericks

John Hartwell

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Four years ago, on the 149th anniversary of the assassination, the following life of Abraham Lincoln in Limericks appeared in the poetry forum Family Friend Poems. Written by a regular poster identified only as Litwit, I thought it worthy of quote:

Rest in Peace Abraham Lincoln


There once was a fellow named Abe
And today is the day he was slayed
John Wilkes Booth took his life
As he sat with his wife
Who was visibly shocked and dismayed

In Kentucky Abe Lincoln was born
A State that would later be torn
When a war was declared
And a nation prepared
For a lot of dead soldiers to mourn

He moved the Hoosier State
Where they always have corn on their plate
In the law he was trained
Much respect he attained
Winning many a rousing debate

In The Senate he later would serve
With copious gusto and verve
Then The White House he sought
Which he won by a lot
But many down south were unnerved

As President, Lincoln decided
That the law of the land was misguided
And that slaves should be freed
But the south disagreed
And the country was badly divided

What ensued was a horrible war
Full of death and destruction galore
The battles were heated
The south was defeated
But one aimed to settle the score

Now one hundred and forty-nine years
Have elapsed since his family and peers
Put Abe Lincoln to rest
In a hickory chest
With their faces all covered in tears

On the penny and five-dollar bill
Lincoln's image is used to instill
A sense of assurance
And fiscal endurance
Cashiers keep them locked in a till

So today we remember a man
Who was clearly no flash in the pan
With his odd looking beard
He was loved and revered
But was not a big hit with the Klan


[NOTE: I find that the writer was Neil Dickinson, who later published it in his ebook Celebrity Limericks (2014).]
 
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But Limericks, by their very nature, tend to be humorous. On the 2012 debut of the movie Lincoln, the pop culture blog Vulture.com, speculated on Abe with his cell-phone, texting...


There once was a man named Abe Lincoln
Whose Union was rapidly shrinkin'
He gave a nice speech
And freedom to each
And then out with his pals he went drinkin'.
—Yours, A


Oh, Abraham Lincoln, he'd glower
At a roster of guest stars so dour:
"I'm the president, mates
of these United States
So I'm clothed in immense freakin' power."
—Yours, A


Texted Abe, "I should not throw stones,
Of my own looks, I must make no bones
But I think this is big:
What the h*ll kind of wig
Did they put on poor Tommy Lee Jones?"
—Yours, A


There once was a Lewis named Day
And weird characters he liked to play
Gets so into his part
He drinks milkshakes? It's art!
Oscars follow him every which way.
—Yours, A
 
Charles H. Hayes has a book Civil War Limericks (99 of them), which, of course, includes several about, or at least mentioning Lincoln:

First Inaugural:
"To you states in secession I send
A message to you as a friend:
Come back to the fold,
And do as you're told,
And all will be well in the end.


Mary Todd Lincoln: First Hen:
As a girl she was cute as a kitten,
No wonder young Abe was so smitten.
But as they grew older,
She grew so much bolder
That more than hen-pecked, he was bitten.

and several others.
 
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