Brev. Brig. Gen'l
- Feb 14, 2012
- Central Pennsylvania
From an advertisement preserved for us by Library of Congress, company named Hovey's sells their hair-plaster-downer, a gelatinous cocoa glycerine mixture. An idyllic domestic scene implies familial bliss should anyone risk the purchase. Advertisers, huh? Hang on.
Ran into my new hand's down favorite era advertisement. From 1864, a Philadelphia ' perfumer ' named John Kromer ran an hysterical albeit frequently tone deaf series of advertisements. There's a frustrated poet here somewhere along with shameless ( and fall-down funny ) opportunism. He pulls in the war, has a shot at widows, waxes lyrical over the selfless acts of era firefighters and writes a romance. That soldiers, widows, firefighters and sweethearts could have achieved none of their goals without Kromer's Patent Hair Dye goes without saying. He says it anyway.
Just the last few verses- this is early 1865, a war still making widows, Philadelphia hospitals packed with wounded. It's not the perfumer's single tone-deaf pitch.
Goddess Liberty uses Kromer's Hair Dye. Just ask her.
??? John had been at it awhile. This was from the previous year. AND wait, there's more! For 9.99 ( plus 24.50 S & H ) Just made that part up
He out does himself. Firemen garnered huge admiration with reason. Remember the New York Zouaves, NYC firemen mustered in just in time to reach Washington as Willard's caught fire? Those heroics and risk were very real. John thought so and also heck, maybe cash in on their tendency to hold each other by the ankles, the better to spray water in a fifth story, flaming window. ( That really happened )
While shameful it's a little awesome.
You should see what he does for the headache all this opportunistic poetry gives you.