Here we come to an interesting episode in Julia Dent Grant's life in her meeting with the President's wife. There seem to be variations on some of these tales, one indicated in an earlier post in relation to Julia's ESP and the assassination of President Lincoln, and another two which I will add at the end and given from Julia's own perspective.
Relationship with Mary Lincoln
"Certainly with pride and perhaps with a farsighted ambition for her long-held belief her husband would become President, towards the end of the war, Julia Grant implored her husband to invite the President and Mrs. Lincoln to visit him at his Virginia encampment at City Point. Ignoring his belief that, as commander-in-chief, Lincoln would tour any military installation he wished to, she discovered from First Son Robert Lincoln, then serving as a captain to General Grant, that his parents welcomed an invitation, which they soon received and accepted.
This fanciful image crafted to depict the meeting of Julia Grant and the Lincolns fictitiously placed it at an East Room reception. (Library of Congress)
At the time, the public knew little about the tensions that developed between Julia Grant and Mary Lincoln. As the central image of a popular drawing of the “Grand Reception” at the White House on the occasion of Lincoln’s March 1865 second Inauguration, Julia Grant was shown smiling as she shakes hands with the President and the First Lady.
Much lore exists about what amounts to a feud in the closing months of the Civil War between First Lady Mary Lincoln and the General’s wife Julia Grant. Their initial meeting took place at Grant’s City Point, Virginia headquarters in March of 1865, when the President and his wife arrived for an inspection tour and stay there.
Rather than express gratitude to Mrs. Grant for encouraging the Lincoln visit, the First Lady was put off by her presence, remarking that she “thought ladies were not allowed in camp.” To this, Mrs. Grant smilingly replied, “General Grant is much opposed to their being present, but when I wanted to come I wrote him a nice, coaxing letter, and permission was always granted.” Mrs. Lincoln, however, was not amused by this.
Shortly after, Mrs. Grant came to call, seating herself next to Mary Lincoln on a coach, which provoked the latter to snap, “How dare you?” In recalling the incident, Mrs. Grant’s sister later claimed that the general’s wife, outraged at such rudeness, walked out.
When both women were driven to the front after battle, to join their husbands, Grant aides Horace Porter and Adam Badeau were eyewitness to the women’s interactions. Badeau mentioned to them that due to reports of continued skirmishes it was thought wiser that all women be sent into retreat and that General Charles Griffin’s wife had sought and received permission from the President to move forward. This sent Mrs. Lincoln into a rage, yelling, “What do you mean by that, sir? Do you mean to say that she saw the President alone? Do you know that I never allow the President to see any woman alone?" She then insisted, "I will ask the President if he saw that woman alone," and ordered the coachman to halt. Horrified at this behavior, Julia Grant gingerly attempted to calm her, later instructing the aide to keep the incident to himself.
When later, Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Grant were delayed as they were being transported to join the President and the General at a military review, Sally Ord, the attractive wife of another general, alone on horseback, was told not to wait for the other women but rather to join the President, also on horseback, who had begun the review without waiting for his wife and Mrs. Grant. When the vehicle with the two women finally approached within sight of the review, Mrs. Lincoln was livid, yelling at an aide, "What does the woman mean by riding by the side of the President and ahead of me? Does she suppose that he wants her by the side of him?” She then turned on Mrs. Ord. According to Grant’s aide Adam Badeau, the First Lady "positively insulted her…[with] vile names in the presence of a crowd of officers, and asked what she meant by following up the President."
Mrs. Ord burst out crying, prompting Julia Grant to defend her. This then provoked Mary Lincoln to verbally assault Julia Grant: "I suppose you think you'll get to the White House yourself, don't you?"
Julia Grant remained calm, remarking that she was happy with her lot in life, and it was a greater status than she’d ever imagined she would attain. This only further angered Mary Lincoln, who finally snapped, "Oh! You had better take it if you can get it. ? Tis very nice."
President Lincoln photographed during a visit to General Grant’s camp headquarters. (Library of Congress)
There was at least one other known encounter between the two women. When an aide invited by Robert Lincoln onto the River Queen, the official vessel being used by the President and his wife lingered with Julia Grant in an inner cabin, she noticed Mrs. Lincoln standing alone by herself on the deck, and urged him to fetch a chair for the First Lady. When he approached her politely with the chair, she sharply dismissed him, and then called Mrs. Grant to her side. This encounter was apparently friendly enough, but the First Lady asked Mrs. Grant to have the aide removed from the River Queen. Further, Mrs. Lincoln insisted that her boat must always be closest to the shore and would not cross over the Grant vessel, The Martin, to walk to land.
It has been speculated that the “feud” was less about personal animosity between the two women and rooted more in Mary Lincoln’s initial judgment of Grant as a “butcher,” and Julia Grant’s resentment of that sentiment. There is also some indication that she held an ultimately sympathetic if removed perspective on Mrs. Lincoln and the emotional instability, which the Civil War had created for her."
(Taken from the link in the OP)
The incident with General Ord's wife is described somewhat differently in Julia's memoirs. She recalls Mrs Ord riding by at a gallop saying she could not control her horse who was determined to join it's mate (General Ord's horse). Mrs Lincoln became agitated by this and said she didn't think women were allowed in camp which is when Julia replied that she coaxed Grant to allow her to visit him there.
Mrs Ord's horse continued to dash ahead of them and Mary Todd Lincoln became more annoyed with the thought she would join her husband, the President, before her. Julia sent an officer ahead to ask Mrs Ord to join their party which she did, feeling much gratified, and Julia told her she thought it would be more agreeable for Mrs Ord to be near their carriage, at the same time introducing her to Mrs Lincoln who received her most graciously.
The incident of Julia seating herself on a couch beside Mrs Lincoln is also told in her memoirs. This supposedly happened on the
River Queen during the President's first visit to the Grant's there and after President Lincoln introducing Julia to his wife before leaving them to join General Grant to discuss current affairs.
"
On the departure of the gentlemen, Mrs Lincoln politely pointed to the little sofa from which she had arisen and invited me to be seated. As I was standing near her, I seated myself beside her on this small sofa; then, seeing a look of surprise from Mrs Lincoln, I immediately started up, exclaiming, 'I crowd you, I fear.' She kindly extended her hand to detain me, saying, 'not at all.' So I remained where I was for a few moments and then quietly took a chair near her. On my return to camp, in reply to enquiries as to my visit, I related this very awkward mistake on my part, and from this little incident innocently related, and as I remember, casting blame on myself if there was any, saying I was a trifle embarrassed, or I would not have taken that seat,' is woven the sensational story so recently published.'" The Personal Memoirs of Julia Dent Grant.