CWT Serial 1 Seth & M

[dawna]

My Dear Friend:

I had hoped that the recent incident at Madame Josephine's would not reach your ears and for this reason I have been unable to respond to your last letter, or to thank you for your generous offer, and also to Mrs. Steele for her willingness to vouch for me. It is only today that I am able to sit up with any degree of comfort, and I fear that it might take the better part of this day to compose a letter to you. No matter, I shall take my time and do what I can to alleviate your fears.

It is I who was attacked and the customer in question goes free, and will remain so, for reasons that I am unable to disclose. I beg you not to concern yourself with this matter and it would only add to my grief to think that you seek revenge on my behalf. I am recovering and regaining my strength each day and I am hopeful that I might be strong enough to put my feet on the floor next morning, if only for a moment. My employer tells me that it will be weeks before I can leave my room and I could very well go mad before then, if that is the case. I try to imagine that M. Josephine might have an ounce of motherly concern for my predicament, but I know only too well that I represent loss revenue, and growing resentments from her other employees.

I have no wish for you to see me like this and please do not attempt to pay me a visit. I have given strict orders to Erik that I will see no one, including Sven, and Erik will allow no personal visitors beyond M. Josephine's front door. I hope you will understand that I do not look like the spirited companion who recently invoked your honour, and I would rather you remember me in such a light.

I expect that you will never understand how much it means to me to hear stories such as the one you have shared in this letter. I am grievous that you lost such a brave man as the Sergeant from F Company, but surely such a man inspires loyalty, devotion, and a greater understanding for the Union cause. I was distressed to hear that the Surgeon who introduced us still practices on the battlefield, but not greatly surprised to hear that this despicable man was also capable of stealing from the dead. It is best that I'm not a man for I would have given no opportunity for the Surgeon to leave in disgrace...I would have strung him up from the highest bough and given him the slowest horse to make his peace.

Seth, I would like nothing more than to see the West and to have the opportunity for new beginnings...Providence. My confinement has forced me to realize that I may never live to see my dreams fulfilled. I live at the mercy of the next drunkard, and even though I conceal a small pistol on my person, I haven't the strength or swiftness to counter an unexpected attack. I am considering your offer.

I am most pleased to hear that Mrs. Steele has taken Miss Emaline under her watchful eye, and that there are men like you who concern themselves with her safety and well being. I would expect no less from you, and it is through you that I heal myself from the atrocities of men.

I have recently heard from a very dear childhood friend of mine and Althea has invited me to come and stay with her and my adopted grandmother for as long as I like. I have feared travel to North Carolina during these turbulent times but it is certain that given the risks of my occupation, I am probably safer to venture the unknown, once again.

My friend does not know of my recent predicament and I have yet to respond to her very kind offer. I feel ravaged both physically and in my mind, and I will require some time to completely recover from my ordeal and to make a decision that is best for my future. I trust that I can be honest with you and that you will understand that I am most grateful for your kind offer, but I am unable at this time to give you an immediate answer.

Of course you knew that I would be most pleased to hear that William had gathered together enough men from your Brigade to perform Much Ado About Nothing. It has renewed my strength to hear that I may have contributed in some small way in adding art and lightness to a world where darkness is a relentless destroyer of all that is beautiful and good.

But to mention Shakespeare to me is to once again fill my head with wonder and my belief that Shakespeare knew everything that is worth knowing. I can only hope that perhaps William, or Kevin, might take the time before their performance, to recite Sonnet 29. I would ask for nothing else.

My education would allow me to apply as a governess to almost any post that requires the gentle and distinguished upbringing of any young lady, but I fear my restless heart strikes me at the most inopportune times, and releases my invisible hobbles to a world that still mystifies even I.

I remain your devoted friend,

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.

Maxine

[johan_steele]

Maxine,

It is the early morning of the Sabbath and I am in my shack listening to the rain play a pretty little toon upon our roof. It is a pleasant sound but it reminds me to be thankful for the roof and for the hot coffee in front of me. I look to the sleeping forms of my messmates and thank the Lord for our health and friendship. The socket of my bayonet holds a candle and I write upon a table made from a cracker box laid upon a pair of ammunition boxes. The candle provides enough light to read and write by and does not bother my fellows.

The bunks of Corporal Steele, William and Kevin are empty; I assume they were called to some detail in the wretched cold rain. I do not envy them their task this morn. The rest of my mess remains. Bryce, Sebastian, Emmanuel and Nate sleep well as we are warm and dry. These men are all my friends and comrades and I think they are of the kind that would die for me as I would for them. Nate and Sebastian are so young that I am certain that they lied about their age. If Nate is a day over sixteen I would gladly eat my socks; while Sebastian may be some older I doubt it is by much. Nate is quiet, obedient, loyal and loyal to his friends. He carries a razor and shaving kit in his pack, more I think a case of wishful thinking than of need. He has the face of an angel and when he sleeps he sometimes mutters prayers in a soft almost girlish voice. I suppose a young lady might call him handsome.

Sebastian is a brute of a boy; he stands well over six feet four inches in his socks and weighs at least two hundred pounds. He is so gentle and soft spoken that you might think him a shy child. But he is a man now, the war has grown him up too fast. For most of a year he carried a cat in his haversack always making certain to feed it from his rations, scant as they were at times. We called the cat “smoke” as it was the color of its namesake. At Champions Hill a rebel line volleyed into us killing and wounding several men, I saw Sebastian fall and thought him wounded or worse. A dozen steps later I saw Sebastian charge past me roaring like a wounded bear; if the Corporal had not tackled him I have no doubt he would not have stopped until he was among the Rebels or dead. There was a hole through his hat and another through his coat, his canteen was smashed by another bullet but most hurtful was the bullet that passed through his haversack killing his soft friend. He is a tough boy who had seen his friends fall in battle and of cruel disease and nary had shed a tear. But when smoke was killed he cried for most of two days.

He sleeps now, comfortably curled into an immense ball with the issue blanket and a saddle blanket over that. He is comfortable and I pray that he sleeps well. I wrote a letter home for him last eve and his conversation bothers me. He is quite certain that he will die when he returns from furlough; he says that he has dreamed his death and that his friend Emmanuel will fall beside him. But even knowing this he says that he will do well by his six little brothers. I pray that the good Lord will stay his hand but I have seen too much of this war not to know that God answers prayers only when they suite him. I worry though that his growing detachment from his friends will hurt his spirit. Though, I know that he knows now of his own mortality and that of his friends. I know because it is an emotion I have experienced. I am closest to Corporal Steele as I think he is the only man who knew what we would experience before it happened. He has taught me much and I admit that I fear not all of his teachings have been good ones.

Bryce sleeps in a hammock that he has carried since he joined the regiment; before the war he was a sailor upon the Great Lakes. He looks the part, he is not large but wiry and strong he wears an immense black beard and has a face darkened by years of exposure to the wind and the sky. As a joke last summer he made his beard up into two braids and tied a chicken bone between them. He meant it as a joke, but I think it frightened some of the civilians we met. We are hard men and we often forget that we look the part.

The last men sleeping here this morn is Emmanuel, he is perhaps twenty-five though to be honest he could be ten years older. If not for his lined face he might pass for seventeen. He and Nate are close friends and Bryce and Sebastian are rarely far from those two. Emmanuel I think grew up a sheltered life as many things that we take for granted as common knowledge he is ignorant of. He is a good man, kind and friendly to all. He is the first among us to parley with Rebel pickets and rarely has he made an error in judgment as to the character of our opposite member.

There have been several inquiries as to your health. One man insists that you are the woman who lost an argument with a horse and was kicked for your troubles. But Sven, as he is wont to do, has ignored your friend Eriks request that he not inquire to the particulars of your situation. He knows the thoughts of myself and many of my comrades; to strike a woman is an offense so foul and cowardly as to be below contempt. He shamed me badly by asking me what I might do if my sister or one of my cousins had been treated so poorly. My reply was that a rope or a good whipping would be the only recourse. He asked me why you might be any different and reminded me that a friend of Jesus named Mary Magdeline had worked the same profession as you. He is of coarse correct. It was ironic that the Corporal has been combing the various camps looking for the man who injured you. I believe your “Madame” paid him some good gold coin to find the man.

I fear that if the man is found he will find that he has not escaped justice. I know that it is for God to judge a man; but as a soldier it is often my duty to arrange that judgment. I shall drop this line of thought as I know you do not wish to hear of such things.

The Brigade greatly enjoyed the Shakespeare on Friday night. Kevin read your sonnet as requested and William read his favorite bit of Richard III. I was surprised to see the Corporal walk upon the stage and give the funeral speech of Marc Anthony from Julius Caesar. He was incredible, I do not know who taught him the speech but he was the master of the stage that night. I think our plays shall become a regular thing; two Colonels and a visiting Senator thought highly of it, but it was the standing ovation from the men that convinced me that William must continue. I like Othello and wish to hear that.

I shall close with a bit of the great Bard. For we, which now behold these present days, have eyes to wonder, but lack tongues to praise.

I am your friend and most obedient servant.

Seth Barnaby

[dawna]

Dear Seth:

It was a pleasure to hear from you this day and as always, your letters are a delight to read. I am now taking short walks around my room and with a little effort, I was able to sit by my window and read your letter. Steely determination has proven once again to be my greatest ally.

I was heartened to learn more about the men in your Brigade and I feel as if I know their characters, and often times their hopes and dreams. I have chosen them all to be my Brothers and with these thoughts in mind, Erik is delivering a gift to Sebastian which I hope your gentle friend will accept.

Erik and I have been harbouring a stray cat for almost a fortnight , and before I become too attached to my little friend and further complicate my living arrangements, (and incur my employer's wrath) I would be honoured if Sebastian would assume this responsiblity in my stead. It would please me to know that your comrade would devote himself to the well being of this affectionate little creature, and I have no doubt that they would become fast friends. I call my new found companion Marius, but Sebastian may choose any name that is more pleasing to his ears.

I am certain that Bryce is the comedian in your group and it is my humble opinion that he should have the leading role in any one of Shakespeare's comedies! I can only imagine the exciting tales that Bryce has told you of his life as a sailor on the Great Lakes. With the full knowledge that my gender restricts me from hearing such stories, I am still envious of your friend's adventures, and all that has brought him so far from home.

I have a concern that begs immediate attention and I trust that we can still speak plainly to one another and in the utmost confidence. Please bear with my observations, and they remain just that in the often deceptive screen of letter form, but I suspect that Nate is masquerading as a boy. I have no wish to alarm you or disquiet you in any fashion, but I know with all sincerity that you will look out for Nate regardless what his/her gender turns out to be.

My hope is that if this should be proven true, you will not disclose Nate's ruse to Corporal Steele. If Nate has proven to be a good soldier, then it is of little consequence to your Regiment that Nate is a girl since she has proven like any other soldier, that she is willing to die for her country. I beg you to consider this.

I know only too well how easily a girl can masquerade as a soldier without drawing undue attention to herself. You tell me that Nate is quiet, obedient, speaks in girlish whispers while sleeping, and has the face of an angel when locked in rest. A girl in disguise would spare the sound of her own voice and willingly perform any duties or orders given to her. But to carry a razor and shaving kit in his pack seems to be a prop that would be cleverly used in order to polish the disguise. You may be in disagreeance with me, but it's unlikely to me that any of your comrades would concern themselves with their daily appearance as a soldier, or carry such personal items into battle.

I remain in wonder that Shakespeare has permeated the souls of the men in Corporal Steele's camp, and with such abandonment. I can imagine myself in your midst, and I marvel at the enthusiasm with which your companions have embraced the works of Shakespeare. I have always suspected that Shakespeare lurks in the heart of the most hardened man, and Corporal Steele has proven this to be true!

I can tell you that you are not the first man to be taken with the villanous Richard III, and I too believe that Othello is one of Shakespeare's greatest tragedies. I have long been a devoted believer in love and dreams, and with these thoughts A Midsummer's Night Dream immediately captured my interest as a more fanciful Shakespearean comedy. But my true passion is The Tempest, for all it's lyrical passages, dedication to richness, and man's timeless quest for knowledge.

I can see the signs of spring through my window this day and I long to be part of it's burgeoning platter of life and sound. Perhaps when I am well again, we could take another walk and renew our friendship. A breath of fresh air would be most welcome and to converse with you again would cheer me more than you can imagine. I also have a book that I think you might like, and a gift for Carlie.

I pray that you are well and until such time we meet again,

I remain your friend,

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Emerson~

Mattie

[johan_steele]

Maxine,

It is good to hear that you are doing well and healing from your injuries. I must tell you that Corporal Steele returned in time for Sabbath services. As soon as I saw him I knew there was something in the works. It took some persistent and stubborn work on my part to get information from any of those three. Kevin finally told me tat your Madame had paid the Corporal forty dollars in gold coin to find and deal with a “particularly uncouth customer.” Apparently, there was no need to search as she knew who to send him after and I fear to ask what that gold coin bought. Kevin and William are both quite tight lipped and I believe I saw fear in the eyes of William when I asked him what had been done but he would not confide in me.

A story is circulating camp today that an officer, a quartermaster was caught by some Rebel guerillas and strung up. They say he was beaten badly before they hanged him and that the hanging was likely a mercy. All of his ribs had been broken and someone had cut the word “coward” into his chest. I know the Corporal, perhaps a bit too well. He has told me that he worked as a “boy of all works” at the same brothel your madame worked on the continent. He has also told me he was a bit of a tough as a youth and left the old country just ahead of the law and the gallows. I hope he does not have to leave the Regiment ahead of the provost.

I cannot believe that you could think Nate a girl; he is small, softspoken and shy this is true and he often insists on bathing alone but I know him. I have seen him standing at the sinks, I have stood watch while he bathed in the river as he was scared of being harassed by others. Our messmate Emmanuel has said he remembered him from church at home. He is just a very young boy; I cannot imagine a woman in the ranks. While I have seen the effects and even sat around the fire with one who would masquerade as a man. I was fooled and like so many others in the Brigade was shocked to discover a woman had been in our midst when she was discovered… Good Lord, I cannot recall when that was; it must have been at one of the Vicksburg hospitals. You see young Nate was wounded in the arm at Champions Hill, a ball passed clean through his left arm. I would think one of the surgeons would have noticed if he were a she.

Speaking of Nate’s wound reminds me of those of my mess who have been wounded and returned to us and of the two who are gone to God… or the Devil. At Corinth, Kevin was thought killed but he was lucky to have only a bloody leg wound and an addled brain; though he suffers from terrible headaches when it is cold or very wet. Both the Corporal and I have been wounded but not so bad as to be discharged; though one of the surgeons insisted that the Corporal should not be allowed anymore strong drink as the medicine to make him sleep was of little use because of it.

At Raymond our mess lost Andy White, I will not lie to you and tell you that I mourned his passing. You see he had spoken poorly of my sister and said he knew her in the biblical sense when he did not. When I heard him tell it as gospel truth I tried to throw him from the boat and would have done so if the railing and the strong grip of the Corporal had not kept him from the water. We were blood enemies from that point on. While my sister thought well of him I knew him for what he was; a liar and a man prone to slander. I helped to bury him only so that I knew he was in the ground and that I might dance upon his grave.

While at Vicksburg a sharpshooter took Allen Lenquist from us. Just thinking his name brings tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart. He was a good and honest man; though very uncouth about the fairer sex. He was a popular because of his ready smile and friendly word for all. He made Corporal while Corporal Steele was still a Sergeant and did well by us. The day he was killed he had taken a haversack full of salt pork and hard crackers to a widow woman and her two children that were living on a farm a few miles from the trenches. While I think he may have had designs upon the virtue of the widow I think he did well and would have continued to do so by her. The tragedy is that he had arranged for passage north for the widow and her children. They were taken by the infection of the lungs that took so many before they could venture north so his good deeds were seen only by the good lord. Allen was a few years younger than I and I knew him from school; his father had been a soldier under General Scott in the Mexican War and had lost a leg there. His parents were so proud of him. But now he rests with God.

You asked of Bryce and his sense of humor. He is a character but not the sort that always makes you laugh. He is a good man who carries the largest musket he can find. He doesn’t believe in anything but buck and ball or club and knife. As a sailor he says he twice fought pirates and was thankful to have survived. He says that he became a sailor upon the Great Lakes because he thought the storms would be less than he knew upon the Ocean. He laughs and says that God played a trick upon him as no ocean going sailor has seen the storms of the Great Lakes. He has been to the ports of Europe and the Ivory Coast of African and the shores of India. He tells stories of storms and fishes called sharks that will eat a man whole. While I know he must lie or at the very least stretch his stories some he makes us smile and forget the war for a while; for which we are all willing to overlook his stretches. He is most likely the strongest abolitionist in the Regiment. He has served upon ships with black sailors and he says they are every bit as good a sailor as he. Why then should he think less of them just because god has colored their skin darker than his.

Sebastian truly appreciated that you gifted him with a kitten; he calls it Marius as you named it. Though I think the name holds some significance as when he said he would introduce the Corporal to the newest member of our mess “Marius” the Corporal went the color of linen and I thought he might desert the cause on the spot due to a heart attack. But when he saw that Sebastian held a cat he laughed and smiled; scratching it roughly between the ears. He even made a collar for it with a wood name tag “M M” which he says means “Marius the Mouser” though I think it means “Maxines Marius.” You failed to warn us that Marius was such a fierce creature. A neighboring mess keeps a cur dog as a pet and Marius attacked it with a vengeance when it ventured to near the cook fire of Mrs Steele. When Marius drove the cur away the Corporal laughed much and said the cat was aptly named.

I have never liked A Midsummer Nights Dream, though I can never really say why. The men of the army are often bored and the great bard does much to enliven our existence. But Dickens and far poorer quality novels are the common fair of the avid reader. My own copy of Plutarch is getting to be quite ragged but I love it. I am still shocked that Corporal Steele took the time to memorize the speech of Marc Antony from Julius Caesar; he says it is because a Captain of the Foreign Legion would often recite it and it was the only bit of the great bard he knew.

A deserter from the First Tennessee was brought in by the pickets this morning, he had been at Perryville and thought it the hardest fight of the War. He had been part of the rear guard that bloodied Hookers nose and pretty much ended the chase after Missionary Ridge. He is quite a nice fellow and has asked to be let through the lines so that he might visit his family before he goes to Rock Island or some other prison camp. I don’t know if it will work out for him but I hope so. He speaks very bitterly about General Bragg saying that he had one of his best friends shot and another man in his regiment was whipped almost to death for stealing a chicken. He talked about seeing mountains of food and other supplies burned when the rebel army retreated from Missionary Ridge. They had been living on very short rations and going hungry while Bragg and his officers feasted like kings. He doesn’t think highly of Bragg and his opinion of Jeff Davis is pretty low as well. Though he says since the rebel General Johnson has taken over from Bragg things are much better. We saw him this summer and he gave us a real bad bloody nose at Jackson. He says we will have a rough time of it this year. I think he’s probably right, but Johnson couldn’t keep us out of Vicksburg or rescue his fellows we had penned up inside. He says he has had a real belly full of fighting and just wants to go home and work at the mill again. I don’t blame him, I wish all of his friends in the first Tennessee would follow his lead as they are a tough lot to fight.

God Bless and keep you well my friend.

Seth Barnaby

[dawna]

Dear Seth:

I am pleased to hear that my gift has been well received by Sebastian and that Marius is quickly endearing himself to the men in your Regiment. It was with a measure of disbelief that I read of my little friend's ardent and protective behaviour in his new found home, but it would seem that Marius will now be the faithful new guardian of Mrs. Steele's cook fire!

Although my comradeliness was practiced under the guise of deception, I became fast friends with a young soldier who I travelled South with after the battle of Perryville. Daniel had a fondness for singing and whistling "Follow the Drinking Gourd" which he learned from one of the abolitionist Captains who helped many slaves escape across the border to Canada on specified Great Lake vessels. This is another reason for my interest in Bryce's life as a sailor, for Daniel relayed several such stories to me, which were often tawdry in nature, but at the time he believed himself to be speaking to someone of the same sex.

Bryce might know of the "Lady Elgin" and the disaster that struck this steamer when she collided with "The Augusta" on Lake Michigan several years past. Daniel was a survivor of this terrible accident and he remains haunted by the hundreds of people who perished while he lived on, and of the heroic actions of his Captain after the Lady Elgin's collision.

Daniel tried to impress upon me that the storm-tossed waters of the Great Lakes were as dangerous as any ocean could be and far too many Captains found themselves in grave danger whilst unexpected storms found favourable conditions to make phantom ships out of the least expected. I am long aware of the brutal forces of nature and where they can occur, but I choose to believe in the logical order of the universe rather than in Daniel's often darker tales of ships lilting eerily through the mist in search of elusive ports. Believing I to be several years his junior, Daniel often took great delight in his attempts to scare and torment the 'fresh faced boy from Danville!'

I have a vested interest in General Bragg since it was his army that I travelled with after the Battle of Perryville. It was not made plain to me as to why the Confederate army retreated out of Perryville but Daniel told me once that General Bragg squandered almost every opportunity given in the major battles in which he fought. It is certain that General Bragg was not aware of the full strength of Buell's army at Perryville, but should the weight of this responsibility rest on the shoulders of just one man?

Daniel thought General Bragg to be a merciless tyrant who could not adapt to the slightest change, which I thought an odd characteristic for a man in such a position. But I did hear other soldiers talk of General Bragg's poor health and perhaps this offers some explanation and insight into this Generals' irksome personality.

I am happy to learn that you too are in admiration of the works of Plutarch and I wonder what earthly souls have not benefited from Plutarch's wisdom? I read some time past that Beethoven was profoundly affected by the genius of Plutarch and my earnest belief is that "we cannot read Plutarch without a tingling of the blood." I have no doubt that you would agree. It is my humble opinion that the growing disappearance of the idea of value has lost it's meaning in the centuries since Plutarch's existence.

Erik has just knocked on my door to let me know that Sven has arrived to inquire if I might have a letter for you, so I will close this with haste and leave you with two thoughts and a confession. Firstly, a quote from my favourite English thinker, novelist and humanitarian:

"We are all prompted by the same motives, deceived by the same fallacies, all animated by hope, obstructed by danger, entangled by desire, and seduced by pleaure."

Secondly, if you would walk with me when I am well enough, perhaps we could discuss Plutarch's "Parellel Lives" and the fascinating life of Alexander and other heroes of Plutarch writings.

My confession requires the utmost secrecy on your part and I beg that you will do nothing to destroy my trust and faith in you. The officer that Corporal Steele hung is my husband and I now know with a certainy that I am a widow.

For William:

With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls;
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
And what love can do that dares love attempt;

I remain your devoted friend,

Maxine

[johan_steele]

Maxine;

It was good to receive a letter from you, our camp has suffered a visit of the fever, all of us were laid low by the shakes and chills, I fear without Mrs Steele and young Emaline I think things would have been quite bad for us and some of us may not have woken from our fever induced sleep.

Young Mrs Emaline is a very energetic girl, full of vinegar she is always chatting and poking fun at all of the soldiers. While I write this she is sewing a patch on one of her chemise. I suppose her doing so in our shack is a compliment to the trust and regard she holds our mess. Of coarse our shack being the warmest and one of the best built in the regiment helps some as well. She has taken to Marius and pets him whenever the chance allows, of coarse this attention just breaks the poor cats heart. She is quite ticklish and will start a childish giggle if you point at her from across the room. It is a welcome sound to those of us who miss our sisters. Sven acquired a pair of boots for her on Sunday, though when several women who had visited our chapel complained of having their boots stolen from the civilian camp I got on his backside and made him return them. Though while ill I think he pretty much ignored my protestations of his light fingered ways. I’m not certain where he stole the boots for Emaline I fear she will not return them. I think Sven is quite taken with the young lady and has been insisting that when she returns with us on furlough that he will be her man servant. It is difficult to convince him that he is no longer a slave and that he no longer has to serve anyone. He persists in his beliefs, but I think he will grow to be a valuable citizen, he is a good boy despite his light fingered ways. I harbor suspicion that Emaline has been encouraging Sven as his capers have grown more bold of late. She takes her turn teaching him to read and write and he is progressing far better than the Corporal. She revels in teasing the Corporal, especially about his illiteracy. I think she does so to push him to learn faster, though I fear sometimes that she pushes too far. She may not like it if he introduces his ramrod to her backside. Though to be honest I don’t think any of us would let him hurt her. She has become a sister to most of us and we treat her as such. That is why we are trying to find a way for her to leave us and go back north as far as possible from this war. She is without family and a young lady alone in the world has many problems to overcome. That is why we do not mind that Sven has attached himself to her. Bryce has acquired a good Remington pistol from a prisoner and plans to give it to her and the Corporal has taught her how to use a vicious little stiletto he got from an artillery Sergeant. Though if you were to present yourself to her as a chaperone or traveling companion I think you, with your friend Erik might make it.

The Corporal and his wife have offered enough coin to set you with a safe ride north. That you might do so is a prayer of mine. While I know it is a foolish thing and likely forward of me I pray that you know there is no concealed condition or sinister nature in my offer. We see so few women who do not want something from us in one breath and spew hatred upon us in the next. You have been as a gift from god to me; you have given me hope and faith. I wish you the best no matter what you decide. My sister has offered up our homestead as a place to stay and is planning to make a room at the very least for Mrs Emaline. Your presence would be a welcome addition.

Mrs Steele is using her time to create a ball gown for a laundress in another camp who is planning to wed an officer in a few weeks. It will be a very pretty as the colors are a dark red and charcoal gray, I can imagine my sister wearing such a dress and I can appreciate such work. Our Mrs Steele is a master of all the trades she plys, from cooking and washing clothes to nursing us. She is an angel. Now her husband is another matter entirely, while ill he was as cantankerous as a she bear, twice he got very mad at me for talking and once threw his knife at me… as I am writing you today it is rather obvious that his aim does not need improvement as far as I concerned. Near to one hundred men in our Regiment have had the fever, I know of three that have died and one man is blind from the fever he spent two nights delirious and screaming out the names of his friends who had fallen in battle. It was a tragic thing and a sad thing to listen to as many of us knew the men whose names he cried out. The last nights have been very quiet of late and cries of the delirious have kept even the healthy awake.

Our Regiment has been very lucky as the fever has run the coarse with most of us. A neighboring Regiment has not been so lucky, more than two hundred have been afflicted by the fever and close to sixty have died. One man, a Private Jennings, has had a fever for all of eighteen months at first he was unable to even move but now he is struck down only about once every three days. The man does his duty when he can; he refuses to be discharged as he says he can still do his duty two days of three and has proven to be no shirker. Last week he was the only man capable of doing anything around his company camp. He fetched wood and water as well as helped to cook rations. He is down today unable to move because of his fever, those who can are paying him back. Jennings is a good man, I’ve met him only in passing but it is not difficult to know when a man is a good one.

I hope that God will smile upon you this day my friend and pray that your wounds heal quickly so that we might walk again together and talk of better times.

God Bless and Keep you my friend.

Seth Barnaby

[dawna]

Dear Seth:

I am distressed to learn that you have been ill and that so many men in your Regiment have been stricken with the same afflication. I pray for your health and strength to be restored, and that Corporal Steele will lose no more men to this terrible sickness.

Two of my sisters have succumbed to the fever and chills but I have been spared, thus far. I have developed a persistent cough over this past week that disturbs my sleep at night, but I believe this to be more related to my recent injuries than any other suspicious malady.

Our house has been a sea of domestic activities this past week and I would rather be part of Madame Josephine's long line of humming drones than to listen to the sound of my own footsteps shuffling back and forth across my bedroom floor. My employer's recent need to purge her household has become an obsession that I don't quite understand, yet I wonder if this doesn't also deliver M. Josephine of the collected debris that has settled upon her own heart and soul.

Erik has agreed to take me for a short walk tomorrow and this has cheered me more than you can imagine. I remain in a state of excitment at the prospect of stepping outdoors again, if only for a few moments. Erik has been like a dutiful Father these past few weeks and I can't imagine what I would do without his generosity and thoughtfulness. I have told Erik about your very kind offer to come West with me, and he was so moved to tears that he hasn't spoken about it since. But I do believe that Erik is also considering your offer and my gentle and stoic companion will speak to you about this in due course.

I dream of your homestead, new beginnings and a better life. It is difficult for me to imagine a place that is untouched by sorrow and hatred, and where the air is pristine and soothing to my senses. I ache for a land where I could fall on my knees with tears of joy or sadness, and the soil will not be drenched with blood and carrion the following day. To look out my window and see my horses grazing on emerald grass or to watch the sunset send shadows scurrying into night time hovels has become a fantasy from a life that I used to lead.

I entice myself with flattering promises of never again needing to sell that part of me which I had treasured most, and I wonder if I will ever forget what I've done for no more than to lead a shallow existence. There was a time when men were kind and their voices were soft...when hopes were high and life worth living. A time when I was less jaded, and unafraid. Before war, betrayal and loss, my dreams were full of verdure, and I have since danced them in front of the devil with little thought of consequence or the ransom that was to be paid. I suppose Seth, if men can forget this war and the atrocities that they've committed and borne firsthand, than I can be a little kinder to myself and more forgiving.

I have no doubt that your motives are sincere and honourable...this much I do know. I would like nothing more than to befriend Emaline and to help her start a new life out West - she deserves this and a life full of beautiful simplicity. And to finally meet Carlie would be the greatest gift of all, but I would not want to put you or your family in an unfavourable position with your friends and neighbours, should they hear of my sordid life in Chattanooga. This weighs heavily on my mind and causes further grief when I thought I had none to spare, but perhaps we could discuss this matter when we meet again.

Please take all possible care of yourself and give my regards to Mrs. Steele.

I remain your devoted Friend,

Mattie.

"Lapse of ages changes all things -- time, language, the earth, the bounds of the sea, the stars of the sky, and every thing ''about, around, and underneath'' man, except man himself." Byron

[johan_steele]

Maxine,

I was pleased to receive the most recent letter from you. I am heartily glad you are mending well and feeling better. I do believe good news from you cheers us all. Two men from H company died during the night, but it is generally believed that the worst of the fever has passed through the camp. Everyone in the mess is still plagued by a cough and body aches though we are all better than when I last wrote you. Mrs. Steele has been feeding us a strange soup that is quite good and I believe that it is the reason we are better. It is a cheese, goats milk, celery and olive oil combination that soothes the throat and cough. I know she placed other herbs of some sort in it that got us through the fever. She is truly an angel, and our young friend Emaline is her assistant.

I am scheduled for pickett and vidette duty tomorrow and admit to not looking forward to it. It is always a duty that is difficult and dangerous but as I still have a cough I will have to try and supress my cough and snifles. Where we are to be posted is a peaceful enough place, a pair of us are set atop a rock several hundred feet above the river that overlooks a road that leads toward the town. It holds a commanding view of the countryside around and the view in winter is quite splendid. There are four similar posts seperated by about a half mile, they ring a shallow draw that leads to the river and the company pitches a few tents there and the majority of the pickett rests there while only a few men man the lookout points. Two men to a post with the rest of the Company laying upon their arms so that if we are attacked they can quickly fall to where needed. It can be quite relaxing at times and also quite terrifying.

When last I was at this post I saw a wagon and two horsemen approaching; they were not wearing the blue uniform of the Army and I sent Bryce running to get the Corporal. I had set my front site upon the breast of the man driving the wagon when the Corporal put his hand on my shoulder and told me to hold my fire. He went careening down the hill with Kevin and William close to hand while Bryce and I covered them from above. I am heartily glad I did not fire as the "man" driving the wagon turned out to be a maam and the two men riding mules beside her were her sons. They were refugees trying to head north for relatives in Kentucky away from the fighting. We expect to face Rebel cavalry or guerrillas but have yet to at this particular post. THere is the shell of an old mill there where we would fight it out if attacked by a superior force; without cannon they could not capture us.

The Corporal sometimes muses about life during this war. He says there are really four types of men in any army. The men who just want to survive long enough to go home, those who really believe in all of the bullroar that started the war in the first place and honestly believe in what they are doing, the shirkers and cowards who take every opportunity to be elsewhere when the real work needs doing and the stone cold killers. Thankfully, the stone cold killers are the smallest group. They are the men with the cold eyes and who seem to enjoy the killing and to revel in the death around them. I have seen men file notches into the stock of their rifle for every man they had killed. Little Foot takes scalps and hangs them from his rifle sling. They are a class of men that are not popular with the average soldier, they are a little bit mad I think.

Most of the men in my mess our a mixture of the first two catagories. While I know the Corporal to have killed before, I think he must feel remourse or he would not drown himself in a bottle so. This eve he got his hands upon a bottle of good Cognac and took great effort to hide the fact from his wife. He was not really that drunk after drinking it but talkative and friendlier than usual. I think I learned a bit about him because of it. He said that the quickest way to ruin a soldier was to fall in love with a whore, an officers wife or a rich mans daughter. Then he smiled and said "or to actually find a good woman and let her love you." I think in the old country he fell in love with one of the ladies in that brothel he worked at with your madame. And in the Foreign Legion there was some sort of trouble over an officers wife. I think sometimes that he tells us more than he realizes.

The Captain has told our Company that we might be made the color company of the Regiment. It is quite an honor, though to be honest it is sure to shorten our life expectency as the color guard is often the centre of attention for the enemy. Our first sergeant would become the Regimental color sergeant and our second sergeant would carry the state colors, the rest of the company would be tasked with protecting the colors.

I have enclosed a small map of my family homestead. There is a house, barn with a raceway connecting it to the stable, chicken house, pole shed and a large woodshed. My father bought well as there are two good streams and a well on the place as well as almost thirty acres of good cropland and another twenty or so that are prime grazing land the rest is a good mix of timber as there is hickory, poplar, willow, oak, maple, elm, and walnut mixed in with the pine. We are never wanting for good firewood as long as the family is willing to put in the work cutting throughout the year. The homestead is about five miles west of town. My mother and sister run the place now and all of my female cousins have pitched in to help. My aunt Rosemary, who is the height of fashion, also does help some with the place. In all there are six women under one roof now, only Rusty the dog provides a male presence in the house while I am away.

My sister sold off twelve horses for Cavalry remounts keeping only three colts, a couple mares and our stallion. She has high hopes for that stallion. As he has twice tried to break my neck I wonder if it was really a good idea.

Threre are rooms above the stable that my sister hopes to clean up enough for you to use. There is a pot belly stove and two strong beds with a window looking down into the yard. I believe you would make a splendid chaperone and companion for our friend Emaline.

I wish you the best of health and hope to see you soon.

God Bless and Keep you my friend.


Seth Barnaby

[dawna]

Dear Seth:

It has been drizzling steadily for these past few days so your letter has been a welcome reprieve from this unwanted dreariness. Although this weather postpones our walk, the spring rain offers a promise of hope, does it not? Erik has opened my window enough today that I can inhale the freshness of spring, while the fragrant smell of earth tells me winter has finally released it's death-like grip. A small bird landed on a tree outside my window sill today and I'm reminded again that the richest melody always comes back to those who wait.

When you tell me that you are on Pickett Duty I fear for your safety, but surely God has a purpose for a man such as you, and this offers me a certain amount of comfort. I feel the hypocrite at times for requesting the least amount of mercy when I have raised curses to the Heavens in past days that would make even Madame Josephine blush. Perhaps some time away from the recent sickness in your Regiment will conspire to clear your lungs, if only for a time. I am concerned for one of my sisters as she is very young and frail...this fever has left her weakened and dispirited in ways that you can't even imagine. Erik has tried the soup recipe that Mrs. Steele recommended but even that has not found favour with my little friend.

I can visualize the place that you described and I can think of nowhere that I'd rather be at this moment. To sit on a rock overlooking a flowing river on a beautiful spring day is to step into a world of absolution, but I see this through the eyes of a restricted female and not the eyes of a soldier whose senses have been heightened and hardened by battle, and the day to day lure of death. I understand only too well how it is that one can be in a state of composure yet still suffer the pangs of terror...it is the least understood of our human nature.

Madame Josephine spoke to me once of a lady who was in her employment at the same time as Corporal Steele, and if not for my employer's intervention it is suspected that there might have been a scandalous elopement. If Corporal Steele speaks to you plainly when his senses are altered by stronger spirits, then I would venture to guess that his stories are true and still remind him of his youth and lost opportunities of the heart.

It is not so difficult to fall in love with a lady of the evening as you might imagine. The most intimate moments of my existence have been sitting across from a gentleman in my parlour whilst deeply engaged in quiet conversation, or even those moments in time when words bear no meaning at all.

I am most grateful for the maps of your homestead and I have perused them by candlelight and in the early light of morning as if I were reading them once again for the first time. I fear that something might happen before my dreams are realized and yet I know that I must not let these forebodings consume my daily thoughts.

I am curious to know the names of the rivers that run through your property and if your horses free graze during the spring and summer months? It would please me to know that I could have a small garden of my own and plant the vegetables and herbs that were the essence of my beloved Mother.

To sit in the alley of your barn and once again listen to horses breathe would be of no less importance to me than a manifestation from God. As in days gone by, I might quietly leave in the middle of a summer's night and gallop a spirited horse across a moonstruck meadow, or once again love a friend that would nicker and wait for me each morning with kind and patient eyes.

Until such time we meet again, I remain your devoted friend,

M.

"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the truth of imagination. What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth - whether it existed before or not. ~Keats~

[johan_steele]

My friend Maxine,

Our picket has been a frightening and trying time. We were set upon by determined raiders; though none of us were wounded Bryce had an extremely close call a ball tearing the brim off of his hat and only the blink of the Lords eye spared his life. We were well positioned behind rocks and in cover or in the “blockhouse,” despite this the Rebs thought to capture our little post. We had a pleasant discussion about our disagreement to their demand of surrender.

When it started I was on my rock with the Corporal, William and Kevin on theirs and Bryce and Sebastian on another. The rest were in the small Pickett Camp with the rest of the Company as the relief. I was on watch while the Corporal was watering a tree when I saw them coming. I counted most of fifty men and have to admit that I was quite worried as when you see one group of Rebs there are often others. I did believe that our time for a rebel prison camp or a grave had come.

The Corporal sent me to the Captain and stayed on the rock to see where the Rebs would go. They made straight for our "blockhouse," I think they thought us buttermilk soldiers as they didn't seem to expect a fight. The Captain ordered the recall sounded and we all fell back upon the stone mill that we were using as a blockhouse and prepared to make our own little Alamo. The mill is situated next to a bridge and the lip of hills is forms a bowl between three and four hundred yards distant. My rock was the closest post so I didn't have far to run, the hill is quite steep and I stumbled twice, nearly breaking my neck, getting to the Captain. I was surprised that he ordered us into the blockhouse, at first I thought the Captain had panicked but when I saw Sebastian I realized that there must be Rebs on the other side of the line of pickets as well. As I had seen fifty and Sebastian said there were about twenty or thirty approaching from the other side we thought to have an interesting day of it.

They were upon us before the Corporal and the rest of the pickets could make it back and we were quite worried for them. The Rebel commander, a major promised to bring up his cannon if we did not surrender. The Captain asked him if he had been at Corinth, Iuka, Vicksburg or to Chatanooga as those battles proved we would not go quietly. The Captain then asked if the Major was a praying man and offered to speak over the graves of the men that were soon to fall. The Major did not like that, though he liked it less when Nate offered to sell him a coffin for two dollars. He went back to his men and formed them for a charge, as they advanced upon us Corporal Steele, William and Kevin made their presence known. Their shots from the ridgeline killed the Major and wounded a big sergeant. Another officer took command and ordered them to attack us and take our little fort. They were not fools and they refused to do so, instead they took up position around us and started trying to shoot us out of our home. They kept up a steady fire and so did we. I am very glad that none of them were any more interested in eating a minnie ball than I. Some of them must have gone hunting the rest of our picket as I don't think more than thirty of them were ever shooting at us, the rest were busy chasing our pickets and looting the camp.

After about three hours they left, deciding that we would not come out. We found our tents well looted, blankets, food and anything of value was taken. At least they left the tents. My Plutarch is in some Rebs pocket; that will be sorely missed. I hope that I might procure a replacement. Sebastian was quite worried until he found Marius up a tree and it took spry little Nate to get him down. We lucked out that no one was wounded or killed and in all honesty I do not mourn the fact that only the Rebel Major was killed, their big Sergeant was carried away and we found no other blood sign. It was obvious to us all that the men attacking us were as tired of this war as we. Though, if they had pressed the attack we most certainly would have made them pay dearly for our little post. Do not mistake me in thinking that I think the Rebs lacked courage, they did not, they knew that we would kill or wound at least fifteen or twenty of them before they might capture us. None wished to be one of the wounded or killed. By wounding their Sergeant and killing their Major they knew we were willing to fight. They never caught the Corporal and the rest of the pickets. Though they did make Bryces hat sorry it had joined the Union Army.

We buried the Rebel Major beside the mill. His men had taken his boots and everything of value. If we had not found a bill from an Atlanta grocer in his pocket we would not have been able to put his name upon the cross we set over him. He was Major Samson Clairview of Conyers Georgia. We marked his cross “Major Samson Clairview CSA asked to be prayed over” with the date. The Rebs took all of the blankets that were in camp, only those of us who were on picket with our blankets or greatcoats and those who had the presence of mind to carry their blankets to the mill had anything to keep us warm. Sebastian gave his saddle blanket to wrap the Majors body.

The Captain wanted to know which of the pickets had killed the Major, so that he might be mentioned in dispatches. The Corporal said it was William and Kevin had shot the Sergeant. Kevin told me that he and William had shot at the Sergeant. I suppose the Corporal does not wish the reputation of shooting officers from better than four hundred yards.

We weathered the rest of our picket without incident; though without Plutarch the time passed slower than I might have liked. After we were relieved the Captain led a prayer giving thanks that none of our number had been wounded and asked the Lord to continue to look over us. We found out that three other Picket posts had been attacked, two were captured and the third put up one hell of a fight killing and wounding near to thirty Rebs. When we marched past that blockhouse we found out that eight of the Wisconsin men had been killed and a dozen wounded, one lost an arm and three would become milk men. That means they had part of the jaw shot away and will never again be able to chew anything. Instead they will have to drink their nourishment. We were indeed a lucky Company to have been spared such pains. The Colonel was very unhappy that two posts were captured without much of a fight; but he was happy and proud to hear the stories of the two posts that held.

We are back in camp now and there is rumor that those of us who reenlisted will be granted our furlough in a few weeks. If this is true I admit that I am glad we lost no one for it would have been a terrible thing to face the family of a friend who had fallen.

The creeks that run through our property have no name that I know of, the family maintains quite a large garden. We grow corn and barley expressly to feed the horses as well as let then graze freely. We have a dozen apple trees spread throughout the property and we gather every apple they produce. The family makes a sells cider and apple butter but we generally reserve some as a treat for the horses which is something I know they enjoy.

I often used to sit outside our barn and watch the star, my only companion the sound of horses talking amongst themselves. I suppose that I should have joined the Cavalry, but to be honest I thought I would prefer not to ride a fine horse into danger and risk its life.

I will bid you a good night and say a prayer for your continued improvement in health.

God Bless and Keep you my friend.

Seth Barnaby