Letter to Varina

[dawna]

To Varina Howell (PJD)
Hurricane, Warren County, Mississipi, March 8, 1844
My own dearest Varina,

I cannot express to you my gratitude for your kind letter; when the "Concordia" put out the letters and I looked in vain in the package for one from you by which I might hear of you for I did no expect you would write back to me, my heart sunk witihin me, my fears painted you sick, unable to write. Some hours afterwards Sister Elzia handed me your letter, it was more than I had hoped for, it was what I wished, it came to dispell my gloomy aprehensions, to answer the longings of a love so selfish that it wished you to overcome your unwillingness to write to me, in other words to struggle against your own opinions to gratify my feelings.

When the weak cord is stretched it breaks, the strength of the strong one is provided by the trial. Ephemeral passion or accidental preference is withered by the seperation; sincere affection is sufficient for it's own support, by absence it is not cast down, neither is it heightened, the latter will, hovever, often seem to be the effect because in losing that which is essential to our happiness we are brought most actively to realise it's value. Your letter is proof that absence has thus acted on you, when we parted you did not (I believe) intend to write to me. You are always such as I wish you.

I am truly obliged by the defence put in for me by my friend the Judge, yet it is no more than I expected from him. His discretion keeps him so free from error, that he can give his charity to the errors of others, and it is but in keeping with his discriminating analysing mind to pass immediately from the statement of such a case, to the consideration of the character & motives of the parties. He would have a poor opinion I doubt not of any man who having an opportunity to know you would not love you, and this narrows my case down to the circumstances under which the avowal was made, "quand on commence a raisonner, on cesse a sentir. I take the converse of the proposition, and here rest the case for the judgement of all except yourself, to you are known that circumstances, how they led me from my design of visiting you after you had returned home, to make my declaration there, you whose good opinion I would have forfeited had I attempted to draw you into an engagement to me to be fulfilled despite a parental opposition, can judge me best and if to you I am justified than am I more content than if deprived of this, I had the justification of the world beside.

But why shall I not come to see you in addition to the desire I have to be with you every day and all day, it seems to me but proper and necessary, to justify my writing to you that I should announce to your parents my wish to marry you. If you had not interdicted me, I should have answered your letter in person, and let me ask you to reconsider your position I am willing in this matter to be guided by you, although your reason may if you wish not be given. How did you happen to call your Father by my name? Was it a mistake of language, if it is so may be called to think of one thing and speak of another, or have you, my dear child, been sick again?

I wished myself so earnestly on the Boat that was bearing you off that had you called me when you were on the "guard" or could I have found any other excuse for going back I should have substituted your feeling of desolation with either surprise, annoyance or confusion.
In your next letter, which make as long as you can, please make the period of my prohibition as short as you can.

Since you have left I have found the house particularily dull. I believe everybody thinks of you as soon as they see me, or may be only that when I enter any of the rooms in which we have been together I think of you, and thus suspect in others what alone exists in myself.

I saw my friend Walter since his trip to Natches, could any effort of mine cure the evil of which your spoke I would most cheerfully make it. If I have time I will write this better i.e. with less scratching. Pray don't read at night, nor punish your angel eyes by keeping a light in your chamber all night. In all things be careful of your health, otherwise what pain shall I not suffer to know that your are sick, suffering, and that I cannot be with you, then since you are always so good as to think last of yourself, for my sake take care of your health. Bon soir, mon cher ange, Je suis votre-

Jeffn. Davis

"Lord into thy hands I commend my spirit." ~Lady Jane Grey~