I've got a few questions

[ami]

I am mostly feeling a bit down, and this is OT.

these are for the girls

How old are you, do you have any kids, and how long it it take you to get pregnant with them?

As you can see from my sig, things aren't exactly going as planned...

Ami

[blue_zouave]

Ami, I'm nearly 44, I have two kids ages 12 and 10, and it took me 12 years to get pregnant with the first one. The second one was an oops, result of Catholic Roulette, so obviously once the body got the hang of it, it was easier.

So anything is possible.

I lost a couple along the way as well, something which I would not wish upon anyone.

Zou

[longstreetlass]

Dear Ami,

This is probably going to sound a bit nuts to you. If you do not like my recommendations, just shrug them off as some kind of California thang.

I do not have children, but I have worked with herbs with success for years. Find a good herbalist who can create a special formula for you. Also, pick up a Farmers Almanac and start studying the moon's cycle (and your own).

There are formulae for male children and for female children. Also, you will need to cut out as much stress in your life as possible - not a joke, you must do this.

Lastly, prayer and meditation work wonders. Set aside some time every day to meditate on what you want, and visualize your children, what they look like, how they behave, etc. Also, you may need to get in touch with how your body feels. If your body is uncomfortable to you, it will be uncomfortable for those little beings you want. Consider getting a whole-body massage (non-sexual, everything touched but private parts).

Ami, I cannot stand to see people suffer. I cannot stand it that you long for something so much. Please, even if you think what I say is silly, give it a try. Anything is better than nothing, and I believe you may find my suggestions will help.

Here is a place to start: Candis Cantin Packard is a leading herbalist in California. She can be reached at www.evergreenherbgarden.org and e-mailed at evrgreen@innercite.com.

Try the extraordinary when everything else fails!

With hope for you,

LongstreetLass

[redeye]

Ami, my experience is totally useless for what pertains to children, but maybe it will help you put things into perspective and gain heart. I'm 35 and with no chance of having children for the moment, but I like to think I'm still healthy and nice-looking enough to get my opportunity someday. Of course the odds are growing, but there's always adoption: I don't know what your views are about that, but personally I'd do it gladly if I knew I could provide a good family and environment for the baby. And two years ago, a friend of mine had a baby at 44, and they are thriving. Now, waiting so long is NOT advisable (for various reasons it had been impossible for her to do it before), but it's somehow comforting.

[ami]

thanks all for your kind words...

WE haven't really thought much about adoption, we just don't have that kind of money.

That is also the reason we haven't gone further with infertility treatments, we just don't have $4,000 to spend at the pharmacy every cycle.

I've been tempted to look into herbal stuff, but it seems very scary to me, I know herbs can be just as dangerous as Rx's. But maybe I'll have a look see at those sites.

Sometimes I am just so sad. And Mike is a great supporter, he is a man, and while he wants kids, I don't think he truly understands how much my heart aches.

Then their are our families. His mom bought an embroidery machine, so she could start making baby clothes for us... a not so subtle hint. ;)

My mom would rather live underground than to be a grandmother at age 43.

At times, family can be very annoying.

Well thank you again.

Ami

[tulip]

Ami: Being a grandma is wonderful. Sorry that your mom fears it. But not everyone takes to kids and many people get nervous around the tykes. Just unable to relate to them.

Take heart and don't assume you can't or won't get pregnant. Many surprise packages show up very late and are cherished all the more for the waiting.

In the meantime, don't sit on your duff. Change the things you can and leave the rest to God.

Look at this time as a gift from God. You have the freedom of movement to get involved with children through a variety of avenues; the Big Sister program; working or volunteering at a day care; join the girls scouts or brownie programs in your area; volunteer at a children's museum; volunteer to help single moms. There are so many needy children and you can make a difference.

[lorrierivette]

Hello Ami
I just turned 45 this past week. I have 3 children. My daughter will be 18 next week. My middle son is 19 and my eldest son will be 21 next month. It took me two years to get pregnant. I was afraid I couldn't and wanted to so bad. I had my first a month after I turned 24. I had my last 10 days after I turned 27. Once I got pregnant there was no problem whatsoever. I'm sure I could have had a baseball team worth. But for those two years I was afraid I couldn't have any. I went to one doctor who said my womb was tilted and if I didn't get pregnant then I would have to have surgery to fix it. Well to this day I fear being put to sleep. Any surgery I can have awake is fine with me. But finally it happened and that put the womb back in place and then no problems whatsoever. My first son weighed a healthy 8lbs.15oz. Then 15 months later I had my second son who weighed 10lbs.11oz. and then my daughter a year and a half later and she weighed 9lbs.11oz. So even after all the worrying I had three close together and healthy. My sister had a problem too at first to get pregnant and one doctor told it was because she was overweight. She was some upset with him. She did after 3 years get pregnant then had another 5 years later and one that was not planned 5 years later. So sometimes it does take time and sometimes it's something simple. I hope with you that is the case.
I am also a grandmother. My middle son and his girlfriend decided it would be cool to have a baby even though he was so young. My granddaughter will be 3 in November. My eldest son was engaged to be married and she got pregnant for twins. She decided that she wasn't ready to settle down even though she had twins on the way and they parted as friends. That is till a month before she had them. Then she and her mother decided that my son wouldn't have a thing to do with them. It's been a legal battle since. They are now 10 months old and both girls. He has been seeing them once every two weeks for an hour for the past 3 months still trying to get time alone with them. My son is easy going and she knew that. She is making him jump through hoops. In the meantime none of our family have seen them. They were 2 months premature and twins so very tiny so I made clothing for premature babies and then clothes up to 6 months so that when my son had the girls they had what they needed from towels to sleepers to blankets. None are of use now. But I really don't mind being a grandmother I love it actually
I wish you the best of luck Ami. Don't assume though that your husband isn't hurting to to see you hurting. I have a good friend I talk with all the time and he is going through this. No one things the men feel as much but they really do. I am anxious to come on here one day and hear that you are going to have a sweet little one Good luck to you and Mike

SouthernHeart Lorrie