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Ms Markie... I note that you've lived on the Mississippi all your life yet see your tag noting Wisconsin. I have very close friends in Milwaukee and visit often and spend a lot of time outside of Madison (possibly where you teach) at our place on Lake Beulah doing (overdoing) what cheeseheads do best with the fine-brewed products from the Milwaukee area.
However, I've never noted the Mississippi River there. Of course, I couldn't find my shoes or my wallet either... but I digress.
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You would be in LaCrosse Land in Madison, where Milwaukee brews are deservedly scorned. I believe Miss Markie roots and heart are considerably north, perhaps across the river from Minnesota's Twin Cities, or closer there than to Madison.
As a chronic misplacer, I've had to adapt with routine -- always leave the car keys in the same place. (That happens to be in the main right-hand pocket of my vest. However, I haven't quite conquered the rule of leaving the vest in the same place.) I've learned not to say, "It isn't there." It most assuredly is there. I have learned to say, "I don't see it," at which point dear one appears and virtually pulls the sought-for object from my left nostril. The problem is most evident in the misplacement of non-routine objects -- like that pen I had in my hand when I decided it was time to seek out a LaCrosse brew from the refrigerator (I always know where it is when I go get it; however, when I leave it somewhere, it's easier to get another than to locate the original.)
But, I digress. Got to go locate and dispose of cans of warm beer.
Ole